None of us deliberately sets out to make the wrong choices in our love life. We want our relationship to work. However, more often than not, our choices are wrong. Most singles are always confused about their relationships. Some ask questions like; Why couldn’t I see what he or she was like earlier? He/she was so nice, why the change? How can something that seemed so right turn so sour?
The tragedy of most of today’s marriages is that people don’t take time to observe their partners. Every day millions of singles get into relationships which they hope will lead to something special, perhaps they believe they have found the perfect one for them, but things turn out bad. Asking yourself the questions below will guide you into making the right choice concerning marriage.
1. Am I Dating The Right Person?
Your choice of a marriage partner is one of the most important decisions you will ever make. If you choose wisely, your life will be satisfying. If you, on the other hand, make a serious mistake and your marriage fails, it will cause you immeasurable pains. Everyone can know from the first few days of their relationship if the person they are dating is Mr/Mrs wonderful or not.
You don’t have to date your partner for half your life before realizing you are with the right person. The best way to prevent getting involved in an unhealthy relationship and the problem that follows it is to slow down. Don’t allow your emotion to control you, take your time to carefully analyze your emotional health and allow your partner’s hidden character to unveil itself.
A lot of persons jump into a relationship without really knowing what they want from the relationship, thereby dating the wrong person. Another thing you should take note of before making your choice is for you to discover your person. Until you discover yourself, you can’t discover your love (mate).
In discovering who you are, what you can offer your partner and what you need from your partner, you make better decisions. Marriage should bring out the best in you; make you stronger, capable and more efficient. Only then will you have a proper appraisal of your strengths and weakness.
2. Am I Truly In Love Or Just Infatuated?
To be in love is one of the most dramatic things that can ever happen to a person. Life takes on a new meaning. Time is too short when two people in love are together, and too long when they are apart. There is nothing that produces more happiness and security than the assurance that someone cares deeply about you. We all need that feeling of belonging and caring, that is the result of being in love.
There is a great difference between genuine love and infatuation. Love is that feeling of finally meeting someone who truly understands you; someone who cares and provides a new sense of validation; someone who sees life the same way you do. A true partner certainly is life-changing. The bonding effect cannot be explained. Those that are in love always want to be very close.
But if one does not show signs of closeness, and the love and closeness flow from one direction only, chances are that they will not make a good union. But if your partner is always coming closer, wanting to be with you the way you do, that person is in love. Love thrives for the perfection of her loved one, but infatuation concentrates only on the positive traits and ignores negative ones.
When an infatuated person notices a negative behavior, he tends to excuse it for emotional feeling and believe that with time, things will change. Infatuation believes in love at first sight. Physical attraction holds a high priority. It does not last long because of its intensity. It is selfish, unlike genuine love which can deny self. It does not endure and soon crashes.
Bodily affection is a major part of infatuation. A man can have a strong feeling for a woman he has met, but love, however, is based on more than bodily affection. It is interested in the values, goals, beliefs, and interests lovers share.
3. Does He/She Love Me More Than He/She Confesses?
A couple in love will face problems and they will attempt to solve them. If problems threaten their relationship, they discuss them openly and decide on intelligent solutions. A couple in love negotiate solutions from anticipated problems. But the reverse is the case with a couple not really in love; they use every problem as stepping stone for criticism and faulting the other.
They ignore the very things that promote the relationship. The question most people ask is the reason for the sudden change of a relationship that looked good. Sometimes, we allow excitement and emotions to overshadow our good sense. Love is so exhilarating that people deliberately close their eyes to anything that might destroy their life.
They defend their loved ones from the criticism of others and they tend to be blind to objective evaluation. A man or woman who is crazy about you will want to be with you and see you every moment, and if you are not there, he/she gives you a call, sends an email or sends love notes to you. He/She troubles you with telephone calls. He/She wants to know if you are okay and shows concern about your welfare.
A man or woman who sounds as if they do not miss you after a long absence does not care about you. Love creates a vacuum that is always filled by presence.
4. Are We Compatible?
Compatibility is an issue nobody should shy away from. If it is not working now, it won’t work tomorrow. There are married people today who are living in utter deprivation and suffering. Some have everything and yet, they are still unsatisfied. People usually have a personal mental picture, expectation, vision or dream of what marriage should bring to them.
If what you expect is not what you are getting, you are into a bad relationship. A relationship is termed incompatible when the more effort somebody puts in it, the more physically and emotionally battered and frustrated he/she becomes. It is only in a relationship of love that one gets pleased, happy and emotionally fulfilled serving and pleasing another person’s interest.
There are some areas one needs to check out compatibility; you need to consider the family background and upbringing of your partner, how it relates to your family background, value and your upbringing. Educational background is another thing somebody must consider before marriage. A highly educated person will have a problem marrying a stark illiterate.
If a highly social person marries a non-social person, it will bring a lot of opposition; make sure you don’t take this lightly because it is the source of great joy or misery for you.
5. Does He/She Have Low Self Esteem
There is no greater barrier to romance than low self-esteem. To establish an emotionally healthy relationship, a person needs a positive self-image. Unless you like yourself, you cannot make a good decision about love. Self-worth is the center of emotional and mental health. If you respect yourself, you attract those who will respect your person.
But if you possess poor self-image, you will be controlled by the negative self-concept which will affect your relationship and every aspect of your life. Building your self-esteem and learning to feel good, happy and expecting the best will prepare you for a happy relationship and success in every area of your life.
6. Do We Accept Each Other
Marriage is a lifetime commitment, partners need to know if they accept themselves and can go all the way for each other.
7. Who Am I
Self-discovery is one of the keys to a successful marriage. It is important that each partner in a relationship knows who they are, what they desire in their partner and relationship, and what they can or cannot tolerate.
8. Do I Feel Trapped
We are not supposed to endure relationships but to enjoy them. If we feel trapped in a relationship, then that relationship is not for us.
9. Am I Holding Back
We have to be hundred percent our true self in relationships. When we start feeling like we are holding back or trying to pretend to gain acceptance, then there is a problem.
10. Do We Have Fun Together
In a relationship, it is usually good for couples to share similar interests and hobbies. The more the similarities a couple share, the better the compatibility.
11. Can We Have Fun Apart
Let’s face it, couples are not always together. So if you are apart from your partner for a while, can you two still have fun? Only couples who have a very good understanding of themselves can survive to be apart from each other for a while.
12. Where Is This Going
The ultimate destination for every relationship should be marriage. No woman wants to continually be a bed buddy to some random guy. So ladies please, if the man you are in a relationship with is not going in the direction of marriage, maybe you need to have a rethink about the relationship.
13. Do I Trust My Partner
If you don’t trust your partner then there is no point getting married to him or her. Because marriage is built on commitment, love and trust.
14. Am I A Good Person
Most times we have an endless list of qualities we want our partner to have, but we don’t have these qualities. So the rule is; whatever good virtue you desire that your partner should have, make sure you have it.
15. Am I Attracted To My Partner
This is a very important question to ask yourself cause you will spend forever with this person. I am sure no one wants to spend forever with someone they are not attracted to.
16. Do I feel I Am Too Good For My Partner
You don’t want to be married to a man or woman who you think is not deserving of you, so we must know early enough if we are contented with our partner.
17. Does He/She Have My Back
Life is not all rosy, issues could come up sometimes that we never planned for, can your partner stay with you through those hard and tough times? Or is he/she just there for the good times only.
18. Do We Have The Same Goals
Are we going in the same direction? Partners need to know if they can work together and for that to be possible, they have to have similar goals, aspirations or dreams.
19. Are We Growing Together
As partners in a relationship, a significant amount of growth in terms of understanding and tolerating each other should have been recorded. If there is no growth, then marriage is not in view.
20. Am I Still Me
Do you feel you are changing to gain acceptance from your partner? That you are not yourself anymore. Don’t get me wrong – some changes are required from partners during a relationship, for instance, no one wants to spend forever with someone who has a bad character, so that naturally will have to go, in a relationship where both partners are committed and honest to each other.
But when you find yourself wanting to be someone else to gain acceptance from your partner, then there is a problem.
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