Resentment is a feeling of deep anger and ill- will towards someone. Resentment in marriage is common and it is one of the leading causes of divorce.
To know how to fix resentment in a marriage, one has to, first of all, recognize the symptoms of resentment which are signs you resent your partner, and make out time to ask meaningful questions like -why do I resent my husband? Or my wife resents me, how do I fix it?
Also to stop resenting your spouse, it is important to know what causes resentment in a relationship and how it can be avoided.
How To Stop Resenting Your Spouse
There are times you might feel that what you expect from your partner is not what you get. For example, you want pizza, yet he offers you donuts, or you work full time yet he expects you to do all the house chores or he has a lackadaisical approach in finishing things around the house.
In those times you will probably have done everything within your power to express how you feel, yet he seems to be clueless on exactly how to do things the way you want them done.
During times like this, rather than saying words like; I hate my husband and want a divorce or my husband disgusts me, you should make efforts to work things out by doing the following:
1. Focus On His Strengths
Be patient with him and chose to concentrate on his good side while you downplay his weaknesses.
2. Make A Deep Check Of Yourself
Are there ways I am frustrating myself and putting my marriage in harm’s way? Am I becoming overbearing, trying to mold my spouse into myself? Why have I suddenly become a critic and not a helper?
When you criticize your spouse, you make your spouse shut down and if not careful, you shut them up and completely out. So stop criticism. Don’t live on what you think alone, move to think the right way, know the right things, saying the right words, and doing practical build ups for your spouse to follow.
3. It’s Ok To Feel Bad
When you feel resentment is trying to creep in, just try and figure out where it is coming from. Invite your spouse for a chit chat and it shouldn’t be when both of you are tired, but when you are lively and full of enthusiasm.
Symptoms Of Resentment
1. Recurring feelings of anger, when thinking about a specific occurrence or event that is accompanied by hurt and unforgiveness.
2. Regretting why you got into the relationship and asking yourself why you are still in it.
3. Feeling tensed whenever your partner shows up.
4. Concentrating on the faults of your spouse.
Causes Of Resentment In A Relationship
The following are the causes of resentment in a relationship:
1. Use Of Hurtful Words
The use of harsh words when addressing your partner can stir up resentment and cause withdrawal.
2. Long Term Health or Medical Issue
When one partner is going through a long-term health issue that requires the other partner to do virtually everything that needs to be done at home, things can get overbearing for him or her, and resentment sets in.
3. Power Play
When you try to control your partner and always want to be in charge such that you don’t hear your partner or allow him or her to speak, resentment is going to set in.
4. Promise And Fail
Never fulfilling your promises including the ones promised before both of you came together, is sure going to cause some level of distrust and if not handled with care will bring resentment.
5. Equal Effort
When a spouse feels he or she is giving too much. It may come to a point when they halt to take stock, especially when the spouse feels he/she is spending heavily or doing more house chores. Don’t allow this to happen, from time to time, just do something that will take your spouse’s mind off the rail.
How To Fix Resentment In Marriage
To fix resentment in marriage. Do The following:
1. Be Open And Clear On How You Feel
Make efforts to express how you feel. So your partner gets to understand you better and so that you can both work things out.
2. Resent Grudges
Grudges don’t fix a problem. They kill the opportunity to heal a relationship. So Don’t harbor ill feelings. Rather always create an avenue to vent your anger and move past it.
Remember the popular saying to err is human but to forgive is divine. Let forgiveness be part of you. Never give room to resentment because it starts as a minor issue but grows into a major and destructive giant.
4. Don’t Make It A Tea Or Hang Out Topic
Avoid the urge to discuss things you resent in your spouse with your friends rather talk to your spouse about it, so you can both straighten things out.
5. Be Empathic
This entails that you be sensitive and see the situation from your spouse’s point of view. It may be difficult especially when you are blinded with rage and anger, but just give it a try.
6. Practice Self Control
This is the ability to do what is right and avoiding that which is wrong despite your feelings.
Resentment shows how anger damages relationships. it creates a great gap that is always hard to amend. You should never give room to resentment in your marriage rather make your marriage a blissful one. For information on how to have a happy marriage, read my blog post titled: Secrets Of Happy Couples.