Marriage is a wonderful lifetime union between two partners built on love, commitment, and trust. Like all relationships require effort on the side of each partner to succeed, so does marriage. Many make the mistake of believing their love for their partner will be enough to see them through marriage, that is not true!
There are many times in marriage when couples feel like the spark is not there anymore. But do they just watch their union die in their hands? No! They have to fight for their love. They have to make conscious efforts to revive their feelings and intimacy for each other, that’s how couples get to grow old together.
There are ways to keep intimacy fresh in marriage, couples who have successfully stayed married for several years love to refer to it as the secret of a happy marriage. My parents have been married for about 35 years now and they are still very much attracted to each other. As their child, I have been opportune on several occasions to ask them what their secret as a happy couple is. The following are the secrets they shared with me.
1. Have A Vision For Your Marriage
Happy and healthy relationships are very possible but, you must first have a vision for your romantic relationship.
A couple with no future in mind will not go far. As partners in marriage, make conscious efforts to communicate your goals for the day, month, year. Things you want to achieve together as a family and are willing to work at. This helps to keep your marriage interesting and much progress will be recorded in your family if you do this.
2. Be Committed
To have a happy relationship, you must be committed!
Commitment goes way beyond saying your marriage vows, it is doing the words you said on the altar every day of your life. Being committed as a couple means you are responsible for each other. So each person has a role to play notwithstanding how they feel. This means whether or not they still have feelings for themselves, their roles towards each other must not stop. They must perform their duties notwithstanding how they feel; because marriage is not built on feelings but undying commitment, love, and trust.
3. Trust One Another
You cannot spend your life with someone you don’t trust. That is why one of the pillars upon which any successful union is built is trust. Being able to trust someone does not mean they must be infallible people. It means that in spite of the individual drawbacks of our partners, we believe in them and are willing to walk with them side by side forever.
4. Keep Romance Alive
Keeping romance alive in a marriage is very important because marriage could sometimes become like a boring routine, but when couples spice things up, the boredom gives way to fresh feelings and intimacy.
There are ways couples can spice things up. It could be by going on a date night and having their alone time away from calls, work and all forms of stress and distractions.
Couples can also go on a vacation together. Whichever way works for them! The essence of these activities is to spend quality time together.
Communication is an essential ingredient of marriage. It is the way couples let their thoughts and feelings known to each other. To avoid assumptions and unnecessary tension, couples should try to communicate and be open with each other without holding back. This will go a long way to help their union.
Other than verbal communication there are other ways couples can communicate love to each other, they are referred to as love languages. Couples can express their love by verbally complementing each other, performing acts of service, spending quality time with each other, touching each other or giving gifts to each other.
6. Learn How To Resolve Conflicts
Conflicts are unavoidable. Couples, therefore have to learn to resolve their conflicts. Every individual is unique and by implication, what works for one person might not necessarily work for the other.
For example, if when you are not pleased about an issue or circumstance, you like to talk about it immediately with the person who you feel offended you, and your partner believes the best way to cool off when angry is to walk away from the person who made him angry, you both have to communicate your ways of best resolving conflicts at a time you are both in a good mood so that when conflict arises you both will be best prepared to know how to resolve it amicably.
It is also advisable that couples who can’t resolve their conflicts, visit a marriage and family therapist before it escalates.
7. Be Independent
Before getting married, you and your partner had a life, being married does not mean partners have to be each other’s shadows all day. Marriage is more interesting when each partner is independent and has his or her interests, goals, activities and aspirations. It makes them have a lot more to talk about and it gives them a sense of purpose.
8. Be A Good Listener
This is an important quality for couples in a romantic relationship to have.
Many times we want others to listen to us, but we don’t want to listen to them. For a marriage to be successful, couples have to learn to listen to each other. This will help to encourage communication because, when you listen to your partner today, she will be willing to confide in you tomorrow and talk to you, knowing you will listen again.
9. Do Not Be Manipulative
No one loves to be manipulated. Marriage is a sacred union and not one that gives room to couples manipulating and taking advantage of each other. Couples who want to be married forever should avoid trying to take advantage of the weaknesses or mistakes of their spouse. But should rather encourage them to be better people.
10. Forgive Each Other
However nice you are, or try to be, your partner will annoy somehow. So don’t be surprised and thrown off balance, when this happens. You are not married to an angel, but a human being. As much as you can, try to be tolerant and readily forgive each other.
11. Respect For Each Other
Everyone deserves some measure of respect. Couples who want their marriage to be successful have to learn to love and respect each other. They have to value each other highly.
The reality of life is no one is perfect, we all have our flaws, so partners in the journey of forever have to learn to accept each other’s totality. They should embrace their strengths and weaknesses. This way, they get to grow together, mature in love and achieve great feats together.
Now that the secrets of happy couples have been unveiled. You and your partner must practice them to achieve success in marriage.
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