Why do most married people nowadays wonder how to survive in an unhappy marriage? Well for starters, you should know that no one ever enters into marriage with the mindset that he or she will one day need to know how to survive in an unhappy marriage.
The question of how to survive in an unhappy marriage is one that just does not occur to folks that are deeply in love and are eager to say the magic words “I do”.
But when you check the statistics of unhappily married couples in the world today, you will realize that while it is good to be optimistic about marriage, one has to still ponder on how to survive in an unhappy marriage if for any reason things go south between you and your partner.
One of the hard truths most people have to deal with is that their marriage might not turn out to be blissful as they have thought. Virtually everyone who gets married does so in hope that they will remain happily married forever. But is this always the case? The reality is that things don’t always turn out this way.
Most people who are married find themselves trying to learn how to survive marriage and this they do for several reasons which might be their children, fear of what people may say, and how society will see them if they divorce or the benefits they stand to lose if their marriage union ends.
So most people in an unhappy marriage who do not want a divorce will pray for their marriage to get better or seek answers on how to survive a bad marriage without divorce. And if contrary to their high hopes their marriage keeps turning sour, then they will have to hang onto the detachment option which entails creating a safe distance between oneself and the partner with who you are a marriage union.
It is important to know how to practice detachment in marriage when things are just not working between you and your partner if you want to stay sane, maintain a healthy mindset, and be the best of you that you can. That being said, let’s now delve into the detail of how to survive in an unhappy marriage.
How to Survive A Bad Marriage Without Divorce
The following are ways you can survive a bad marriage without divorce.
1. Always Listen
Give your spouse your undivided attention by making sure you truly listen when he or she speaks. Pay attention to every detail your spouse wants you to know. This will help your spouse to know that you truly care. It will also help create the right atmosphere for love to grow.
2. Get Busy
To avoid negative thoughts never allow yourself to be idle. Always keep yourself busy with doing productive things like learning a skill, getting a job, starting a business, etc. If you are interested in starting a business but feel like you are out of ideas on what business to start, don’t worry, I got you covered. Check out my blog post titled 100 Best Small Business Ideas You Need To Start Now for the best and most interesting ideas of what business you can start.
3. Don’t Depend On Your Spouse For Everything
Disrespect and other bad attitudes from your spouse could be because you are overly dependent on him or her. Try as much as possible to be as independent as you can be. Everyone respects one that is independent at least to an extent.
4. Believe In Yourself
Never allow yourself to feel worthless because once this feeling starts creeping into your mind, it becomes easier for you to want to let go of everything good in your life and to start to believe that you deserve less. After I had my second baby I became depressed and even started to feel less of a woman. I felt like I was now different and that my husband was not going to treat me as he used to.
But amid all this feeling, I encouraged myself by telling myself that I’m still me, I am not like every other person. I am unique. I started believing in myself. And funny enough he noticed it all! You are the only kind of you that exists. Believe in yourself and your ability.
5. Avoid Things That Bring Quarrels
Make conscious efforts to avoid doing things that can anger your spouse and cause tension to exist between the two of you.
6. Let Your Marriage Be Your First Priority
Always create time to think and plan every day for your marriage. Prepare for each day as though you were preparing a meal. There’s a popular saying that “if you fail to plan, then you’re planning to fail.” Nothing happens by chance.
7. Find Something Good To Hold On To
No matter how bad a person may seem there’s always something good you can appreciate that person for. There’s always something he/she is doing right amid his/her million wrongs that are not worth appreciating. Look for these things and hold on to them.
Try to remember that one thing that you first saw in your spouse that made you marry him or her. This is a good pointer to what you can appreciate in your spouse.
8. Give Him A Chance Into Your Life
If you want your marriage to last, you have to give your spouse a chance in your life. Make your spouse feel valued, allow him/her to make some decisions in your life such as;
- Your wears
- The kind of meal to prepare
- Lovemaking etc.
9. Don’t Attempt Changing Your Spouse
It is common that when you have married someone, somehow you will try to change that person to suit you. This is wrong. Rather than trying to change your spouse, focus on yourself and your issues.
10. Stop Obsessing Over Your Spouse Behavior
Do not try to control your spouse’s behavior because it will drain you emotionally and sometimes psychologically. When you began to obsess over what you have no control over you’ll lose yourself in the process. There are some aspects of your partner that you won’t necessarily love or agree with. This is natural, remember no one is perfect.
You can talk to your spouse about his or her downsides, by having open and honest conservation with him or her but you can’t initiate a change in your spouse or control his or her affairs.
How To Practice Detachment In Marriage
Sometimes space is required in marriage for you and your spouse to have time to reflect on what attracted the two of you to each other and caused you to decide to get married. It also helps you to reflect on current challenges you have as a couple and how they can be solved. The following are ways to practice detachment in marriage.
1. Live Like Roommates
One major way to detach from your partner easily is to stop physical Intimacy. Bad physical intimacy or none at all can detach your spouse faster than anything. Because physical intimacy will stir up longings and create a strong connection between you and your spouse.
2. Cut Off Communication
Communication helps to enhance the connection between couples. When trying to detach yourself from your spouse, you need to first cut off your communication. So it becomes more difficult to get into each other’s space.
3. Get An Attachment Figure
When you get married, you get attached to your spouse. When you’re trying to detach from the primary attachment figure you need someone else to fill the void. This has to be someone you are close to. Could be your sibling, a friend, or even a colleague. Anyone you feel connected to.
4. Confine Your Conversations
Place a limit on your conversations. Do not discuss your feelings or your daily activities with him.
Let your conversations be confined to responsibilities that pertain to the house and kids. Do not ask if he has eaten or how his day went etc.
5. Do Not Discuss The Current Situations Of Your Marriage
Try as much as possible to avoid talking about the challenges between you two to enable you to heal.
6. Put Yourself First
Think about yourself and your kids first and make sure you are comfortable. Let him be an option in your life and not a priority. Give him the last place in other to keep him away from you.
7. Stop Giving
It is normal to want to give to your spouse. But for you to be able to stay away, you need to cut off anything that will bind the two of you. Giving is one of them; Giving shows that there’s love between you stand your spouse because you can’t love without giving.
How To Survive In Marriage
Marriage is a world of its own, you need to keep learning about marriage to enjoy it and keep it running. According to Benjamin Franklin “keep your eyes wide open before marriage and half shut afterward.
What this means is – one of the keys to surviving in marriage is to learn how to survive in an unhappy marriage, because things will not always be rosy between you and your spouse, and you should not give up on your marriage quickly. The following are ways to survive in marriage.
Communication is one of the most important keys to a lasting marriage. Who you talk to and how frequently you talk to the person helps to create a bond between you and that person. One major secret behind happiness in marriage is good communication. No one can enjoy marriage without making out time to have meaningful and effective communication with his or her spouse.
I once attended a marriage seminar where the host told us a story about his secretary. According to him, they used to communicate a lot because they were quite close. Due to their closeness and frequent communication, they soon started developing feelings for each other. But he had to lay her off in other to save his marriage.
The above story shows the importance of good communication and how it can bind people together.
Whoever you love, you make out time for. This is the second most important thing that binds any relationship. For awesome ideas on how to spend quality time with your spouse read my blog post titled The Best 20 Bonding Activities For Married Couples and you will have a ton of ideas on how you can enjoy time with your spouse.
It is normal for your marriage to lose its romantic touch if you’ve been married for a long time. But you can trigger romance once more in your marriage by spending quality time with your partner, sending your partner romantic texts, creating time for physical intimacy, and being spontaneous with each other.
4. Enjoy Your Marriage
Always make out time to have fun. The moments you share as a couple will bind you and your spouse forever.
5. Express Love
Learn to express love to your spouse as often as possible. I usually call my spouse during my free period from work to say “I just want to let you know that I love you”. You don’t have to do this if it is not your style. Your style might be making a special meal, buying your spouse gifts, or sending him or her love messages. The idea is that you try your hands on whatever works for you to keep the love flames in your marriage alive.
6. Eat Together
One of the best moments in my home is when my husband and I eat together. It’s so much fun because we get to interact and make plans as a couple, as we eat.
7. Play Together
After all the day’s work and stress, you need something to relax. So make out time to play games, watch movies, go on dates, or any activity that will help you and your spouse to unwind.
Remember that the moments you and your spouse spend together to laugh and play will always be the moments you guys will look forward to when you’re away from each other. Make every day a memorable one.
8. Fantastic Intimacy
Intimacy is in categories. It isn’t enough to just make love, Make every intimate moment with your spouse a meaningful one. Improve your intimacy by never allowing your lovemaking to be boring and tiresome. Make lovemaking as exciting as possible.
No marriage is perfect. Every marriage has its ups and downs. However, how you handle and come out of the downtime in your marriage is what matters. Do what you have to do to make sure the peace and stability in your marriage are maintained.