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Methods Of Problem Solving In Marriage

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Marriage is a lifetime institution sealed with sacred vows and designed to last forever. But just like everything in life, marriage has its fair share of problems. That is why people see the need to design means to fix marriage problems.

Before getting married people are usually not preoccupied with the question of how to save a marriage, but after getting wedded and the reality of marriage starts to set in, the question of how to save a marriage starts to be the predominant question on people’s minds. People start to see the need to learn communication skills and other problem-solving skills just to save their marriage.

Marital problems are real. There are several causes of marriage problems and these problems if not solved can crash any marriage. That is why in this post I will be discussing in detail how to save a marriage, causes of marriage problems, communication skills for couples so they can learn how to save a marriage and problem-solving skills for couples.

Causes of marriage problems


Causes Of Marriage Problems

Though different marriages have different issues confronting them, there are some common causes of marriage problems, and knowing them will help you learn how to save a marriage. These causes of marriage problems are:


1.  Lack Of Trust

Trust is a very essential ingredient of marriage whose absence can lead to a host of other problems. When couples don’t trust each other, they cannot do much together. It is best to always address trust problems in a relationship for peace and progress to exist. For details of the importance of trust in marriage see my blog post titled Secrets Of Happy Couples.


2.  Lack Of Communication

Betrayal and break up in relationship. Dissappointed man arguing with his girlfriend while she is ignoring him.

Couples in marriage should be able to communicate freely about anything and everything, without feeling the need to hold back information from each other. If couples can communicate freely, trust will not be a problem, as they will naturally trust each other.


3.  Infidelity

Infidelity is a marriage destroyer and should be avoided at all costs. In marriage, there is no room for infidelity. Marriage is a lifetime commitment between two people. When the room is given for infidelity to creep into marriage, it destroys its very foundation and it will take a lot of healing for love, peace, and trust to be restored to such a marriage.


4.  Physical Abuse

Some people have abusive husbands or wives who inflict physical pain on them and in extreme cases cause them to die. This is a very common cause of anarchy, hate, and unforgiveness in many homes. Abusive behaviors of whatever sort are wrong and should never be practiced in marriage.


5.  Use Of Drugs

The use of drugs by a partner in a marriage can destroy the home because drugs drain the life of an addict and make no room for family finances, family time, or even a well balanced and reasonable partner.


6.  Drinking

Just like the use of drugs is a destroyer of homes, so also is drinking. One who is addicted to drinking will spend less time with family and invest all he or she has in drinking, this will ultimately lead to the ruin of such a marriage.


How To Save A Marriage

The following are top marriage problems and solutions that will guide you on how to save a marriage.


1.  Associate With People In Healthy Marital Relationships

It is always best to associate with people whose relationship is healthy because this kind of person will encourage you to also maintain a healthy relationship like theirs.


2.  Love Unconditionally

You must learn to love your partner unconditionally in marriage. Otherwise, you will keep seeing reasons not to love and this can eventually lead to the breakdown of your marriage.


3.  Put Your Spouse Happiness Above Yours

Marriage is an institution that requires that you be selfless. You can’t always focus on yourself. Let your partner’s happiness matter to you too.


4.  Take Your Partner Seriously

Avoid taking your partner for granted. Always treat your partner with love and respect.


5.  Make Continous Commitment To Adjust

Couples should submit to the truth that a good home is a product of change and should be willing to make necessary changes for the good of the marriage.


6.  Learn To Appreciate Common Grounds (Set Common Goals)

These goals should be the driving force of the relationship. Each partner should work towards the achievement of these goals.


7.  Learn To Appreciate And Accept Uncommon Grounds

Don’t try to change your spouse. Don’t force or coarse{ by deceit or guide} your spouse to like or accept everything you like, rather sit down with her or him to fine-tune or polish the grey areas you are not in sync with.


8.  Go For Counselling

If you notice that you and your partner can’t resolve your conflicts amicably, then you should both consider seeing a counselor who can help you.


How To Fix Marriage Problems Without Counselling

Some people oppose the idea of seeing a counselor when they are faced with conflicts in their marriages and feel the best approach is to work things out themselves. Seeing a counselor is not in any way wrong, but if you are opposed to the idea. The following tips can help you solve your marriage problems.


1.  Think Back On The Vows You Made

On your wedding day, you made some sacred vows to your partner. Those vows should never be forgotten as they are a seal to the covenant you and your partner have made to be together forever.


2.  Have A Picture Of How You Want Your Marriage To Be

Having a picture of what you want your marriage to be is helpful because when you have a mental picture of what you want your marriage to be, you can easily work towards achieving it.


3.  Work On Building Intimacy

Romance is very essential in marriage. That is why couples need to learn ways they can spice up their marriage and keep the romantic spark alive.


4.  Be The Agent Of Change

Don’t wait for your partner to effect the changes you want to see in your marriage. You be the agent of change and see how things turn out.


5.  Spend Quality Time Together

Top marriage problems and solutions

As a couple, learn to enjoy each other’s company by always creating time for each other. So you can build friendship and intimacy.


Problem-solving Skills For Couples

Developing problem-solving skills a good step towards knowing how to save a marriage. The following are problem-solving skills for couples.


1.  Name The Problem

Learn how to name the problem of your marriage, by being specific. Always endeavor to name and outline the issues you want your spouse to help you deal with. For example, if you want help in the kitchen. Let your spouse know. If it is the laundry just ask for help. Be specific, so issues can be treated item by item, and not generalized.


2.  Be Honest About Your Feeling

Often, we keep our true feelings out of fear of not wanting to offend our spouse. This is wrong. You must be willing to express your dislikes over your spouse’s behaviors without holding back.


3.  Leave Nothing Out

Communicate with each other by asking questions not demanding answers. Don’t dismiss suggestions from your spouse. Take note of your spouse’s suggestions and juxtapose them with what you think you know, then make a list of what you feel are solutions and put them to work.


4.  Evaluate

One of the rules of management is to articulately evaluate the suggestions of subordinates and not to dismiss them. It doesn’t matter who brought the suggestions, what matters is, are they working or providing answers? Evaluate if a solution is working by assessing your dispositions or mood. Are you in a better frame of mind, is it bringing you closer to your spouse? Learn how to talk things over and over again, to be sure of what is and isn’t working.


5.  Give Credit To Your Spouse When He/She Deserve It

It is amazing how much you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit. Just as you must always stand up to take the blame when you do things wrongly, you must also make sure you always keep praising your spouse when he or she does well.


6.  Learn To Listen

Pay attention to your spouse when he or she speaks and truly listen. This will help you two to better understand each other and grow as a couple.


Communication Skills For Couples

1.  Start Your Discussion In A positive And Respectful Way

This is the only way you can get your spouse to pay attention to what you are saying.


2.  Be An Active Listener

Pay attention to all that your spouse is saying and show you care by listening to every detail.


3.  Treat Each Other With Respect And Kindness Always

Couples should learn to treat each other with respect and kindness and should never try to take advantage of each other.


The following relationship problem quotes are to serve as a reminder that every relationship has its highs and lows but how we manage these different situations shows how committed we are to stay in love with each other forever.

“Behind every happy couple lies two people who have fought hard to overcome all obstacles and interferences to be that way. Why? Because it’s what they wanted.” – Kim George

“We are told that people stay in love because of chemistry, or because they remain intrigued by each other, because of many kindnesses, because of luck. But part of it has got to be forgiveness and gratefulness.” – Ellen Goodman

“Whatever problems arise in a romantic relationship, it’s important to face them together as a couple. If an aspect of the relationship stops working, don’t simply ignore it, but instead address it with your partner. Things change, so respond to them together as they do.” -Anne Nwakama

“Every relationship has its problems but what makes it perfect is when you still want to be there when everything goes wrong.” -Ritu Ghatourey


For you

The soul of every marital union is the ability to stay committed and work together as a couple for the utmost good of the marriage. I hope you and your spouse continue to do this to enjoy marital bliss.


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How to save a marriage


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One Comment

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