Dating a married woman is like putting yourself on ice. There always will be a significant risk of a massive meltdown once the honeymoon phase disappears. It doesn’t come out as a surprise that having a married woman as your partner is a scary roller coaster ride.
The standard norm of an extramarital affair is quite simple— you always remain her secondary choice, or worse, her temporary disposal.
It’s harsh, illegitimate, confusing, and heartbreaking— as if stuck in a never-ending catastrophe. However, love is complex— blooming in the most critical conditions and demanding the most heart-wrenching rebellions.
“Love is a rebellious bird that no one can truly tame.”
— Ann Patchett
There’s always a possibility that this married woman has actually fallen in love with you despite the odds of society and its dominant nature. So, what do you do? Ruin a perfect marriage and undo a family to rejoice with your lover or simply let go of the possible love of your life? I know, it’s complex— the conflict between love and morality.
What may seem perfect at the surface might be rotting inside for all we know— such is the case with most marriages. It survives on compromises, rotten mental health, children, and societal pressure. Trust me, divorce is never that simple or even plausible. If your partner is in one such inadequate marriage, dating a married woman may not be the most felonious act. Still, it doesn’t guarantee a righteous track either.
Is it okay to date a married woman?
It’s more complex than a simple NO or yes; terms and conditions apply. Marriage is not always a case of consent or willingness— sometimes, it’s forced upon, whatever may be the reason.
On a different spectrum, some marriages simply run out of romance and spark without the diversity/opportunity of divorce.
1. Is this relationship a casual fling of yours?
— No, it’s not okay.
If so, this relationship will bring more damage than romance. You will be ruining a family for a casual fling, and it’s not worth the cost.
2. Mutual desire for casual intimacy
Many women end up with a marriage that’s not physically rewarding. They will often look for a physical connection away from their marriage to keep their libido alive. This never guarantees a fruitful relationship because she might still be emotionally connected to her husband. If you are okay being her libido and nothing more— go for it and remind yourself to keep it casual.
3. Her marriage is dead
If her marriage has lost spark and all that remains behind is the responsibility of kids and a societal image— it’s pretty alright. Nobody deserves an unhappy and unfulfilling relationship.
4. She is trying to escape her regular, mundane life
She might be running from her regular life. You may only be a good escape for her to live a thrilling bachelor life far from her responsibilities and reality. Allowing yourself to love a woman who won’t reciprocate your feelings will leave you hanging at last.
5. You both expect different things from each other
— No, it’s not okay!
It’s necessary to have similar terms when indulging in a relationship as complex as an extramarital affair.
If you are unsure of your feelings, it’s not worth hurting her emotions and family. She might be falling in love with you innocently despite knowing the immoral aspects of the relationship.
Alternatively, suppose you are falling hard for the woman while she is simply looking for casual intimacy. In that case, it will hurt you and your self-esteem miserably.
Dating a married woman who’s only looking for a casual fling can never fully satisfy your inner gut. You will keep questioning her intentions and often self-judge your own character. The biggest vagary is— she still might promise you to leave her husband and family behind without any intent to do so.
There are times when things will be cheerful and bubbling. However, extramarital relationships will never allow you the freedom of expression, PDA, commitment, priority, or stability. They shall remain complex, secretive, and unfulfilling in one way or another.
20 Things you should know before dating a married woman
There’s no point in denying that an extramarital affair can never truly offer you undying love and commitment. You won’t be able to erase the fact that she is the woman with a family and has her primary life; you will always be secondary.
1. Dangers of dating a married woman
- You won’t spend much time with each other.
- Your holidays will be sacrificed for her family. You will probably be alone most of the month, given all her responsibilities. Exceptions do-follow.
- The constant jealousy towards her husband will genuinely eat you out.
- You will be envious of her husband, in-laws, and kids.
- You might often fight for the reasons mentioned above.
- You will live a life in secrecy and often be scared of being caught.
- You won’t be able to hold her in public proudly. There is no such thing as public romance in an extramarital affair. It’s frowned upon.
- You won’t have someone to talk to about her because it must be kept secret.
- She will be out and away with another man.
2. Benefits of dating a married woman
- The attraction and enthusiasm are undeniable.
- Physical intimacy is compelling, especially if your woman’s husband wasn’t satisfying her in bed.
- It surges individuals with adrenaline.
- You get a second chance at love after marriage.
- There’s meaning to life again.
- You explore your libido.
- Married women are experienced and giving, both physically and emotionally.
- There’s a weird maturity and acceptance in relationships as such.
If you have heard the cons loud and clear and still persist in taking the chances— here’s how you can understand your relationship with a married woman better.
3. You may have to live with the dilemma, “what type of love do you have for her”?
Instability in a relationship can eat you alive; things get messy when you start overthinking about the type of bond you share with a married woman. It’s called an UNLABELED relationship and INVISIBLE TO THE WORLD.
Obviously, you can’t name this relationship socially. Later in the relationship, this very propaganda will hurt you badly. You may not be able to control your temper at times because such conversations always end up with no conclusions. Your relationship will forever go unnoticed and unacknowledged.
If you want to continue this relationship, understand that not everybody has to accept or acknowledge the love you share with each other. Your love doesn’t need to be publicized to be successful. Plus, a healthy relationship needs two individuals and not the whole world.
4. You will constantly deal with guilt
While dating a married woman, you will have to handle her guilty pleasures and the relationship’s complexities.
Suppose you both are equally devoted to the relationship. In that case, you both will feel guilty about the consequences of this relationship, especially the woman involved with you.
5. You can’t expect “happily ever after” from this relationship
At least, not a committed ending of togetherness. You can continue the relationship for as long as you can hide it. Still, you cannot pursue it openly, not unless your lady love decides to divorce her partner.
A divorce is never an easy option— there are family and kids involved, something your woman wouldn’t want to leave behind (exceptions included)
We may make ourselves believe that it’s only casual— but feelings are uncertain and may develop unknowingly. You may start dreaming of being with her and marrying her— it’s only wishful thinking.
Happily-ever-after is a far-fetched dream for extramarital affairs. You must stay content with what you have and whatever you can have from this relationship.
Expecting her to leave her family and build a new life with you will disappoint you and burden you with baggage of neediness.
6. This relationship will always make you feel incomplete
As said, she would never prioritize you if given the situation. Suppose your birthday and her husband’s birthday collide— chances are that she will choose to celebrate her husband’s birthday willingly or unwillingly.
You will be left alone on many occasions— Christmas, Thanksgiving, or other international festivities. Festivals spent alone hit differently and badly and will leave you with distaste.
So, you should be wise enough to accept that the woman you love is married and may never be able to fully complete you.
7. Do you want sugar momma?
It’s a great deal if you are both on the same terms— her being in this relationship for intimacy and you being here for a sugar mommy.
It’s a modern concept and an improved version of friends with benefits. Sugar mommies provide what their sugar babies want from them and vice versa, so it’s a win-win ordeal.
Before you initiate anything, communicate about your demands and needs from this relationship and be vocal about things that you cannot provide to not build tension.
8. You can just be a saucy option for her
Marriages after children become dull, the regular sexual relations sometimes becomes annoying, and the love turns out to be a mere duty and responsibility.
Usually, married people would look for physically attractive individuals to relive their lost libido and intense intimacy. They may as well date young males to relive their youth.
There is a strong possibility that your married lover is in this just for intimacy and wild fun— nothing personal or permanent.
No matter how fun and satisfying the lovemaking may turn out to be, she would return to her family at the end of the day. If you have the same goals, good for the both of you. However, if you want something more than intimacy, you are on the wrong boat.
9. She will never compromise her societal dignity
Fighting against society is probably the most challenging thing one can adhere to— the outrage and their judgment are never worth it.
Married women and mothers have to go through multiple judgments, and they would never wish to be the cruel subject of society.
Our society would demean married women more than married men. So it’s natural that your lady love may not wish to publicize the relationship and go through the harsh judgment.
Don’t expect her to show you off in front of her people; she isn’t going to do that, perhaps out of fear.
How to continue your relationship with a married woman?
While it may seem like a significant taboo, many married men and women choose to have extramarital affairs after kids. Marriages tend to tarnish away with time, and partners are left behind without an ounce of romance. So they decide to have affairs without making them public or governmental.
10. Accept the relationship for what it is
It’s futile to consider your extramarital affair to be normal. However, it’s entirely alright for it to be abnormal. Things shouldn’t constantly adjust to your shallow fragments of the societal brain.
- Accept that she is a married woman and yet she chose to love you.
- Accept that she will always prioritize her kids if not her husband— and you shall always remain secondary. However, she is ready to love you just as much.
- Accept her sacrifices and understand her critical situation. She may not be available all the time, but she will be there nonetheless.
- Accept your situation and complications.
- Accept the love you both share, no matter how tainted.
11. Embrace and acknowledge
Instead of focusing on what’s wrong, focus on what makes this relationship worth it. Similarly, don’t focus your energy on her relationship with her husband. Instead, embrace what you have with her regardless.
- Acknowledge how she manages time for you despite the constant fear.
- Embrace her love and effort.
- Appreciate the romance you both receive.
- Understand that love is not easy, and there will be hurdles to overcome. Consider them an opportunity to test your passion instead of full stops.
12. Date privately
Publicizing relationships doesn’t guarantee lifelong love; some relationships thrive on privacy. So, remain private.
- Date in a hotel room or in the comfort of your room where you can hold hands and be less scared.
- Take business trips to enjoy time with her in public where no one would judge you or unfold your little secret.
- You don’t need to tell everyone. However, you can rely on your best friend.
13. Communicate about it with your partner
If you don’t communicate and share what you expect from the relationship, you will end up being hurt and sad. So, speak about the kind of relationship you’d like; it can be a casual arrangement or a friends-with-benefits scenario. The catch is that you both must be aware of the relationship’s situation, boundaries, limitations, and allowances.
14. Be subtle
You don’t have to meet your partner 20 days every month or talk 24*7; it will raise suspicions and ruin your time. Instead, be discreet while dating.
- A few dates in a month are acceptable.
- Casual calling and chit-chatting should be fine, but it shouldn’t include gimmicks and innuendos about your relationship. Keep it simple and friendly.
15. Don’t interfere in her personal space
When you are dating a married woman, things will be different. Extramarital affairs are often more complex than the regular ones you may have had.
Although all relationships need personal space, extramarital affairs would need double that space. Simply, because her space includes her husband, kids, and family— something you cannot interfere with even if you wanted to.
So, if she doesn’t want to discuss her marriage and husband, resist the urge to ask questions. You should respect her boundaries and never suppress her freedom.
- Never jump into her workplace,
- Avoid calling her unnecessarily,
- Try to understand she won’t be able to pay attention every time.
- Don’t visit her house as an impulse. Wait for her to call you back; being irrational will stake your life and hers.
16. You have to be habitual of hiding secrets
While entering a relationship with a married woman, you will have to learn to lock your tongue and keep everything confidential.
She will never publicly accept this relationship, so keeping it a secret will allow you some mental peace.
This is one of the most significant disadvantages of dating a married woman. You can’t disclose any of the pictures together on social media, nor can you tell your friends about how you feel or how she makes you think.
17. Try to avoid exchanging gifts with her
Exchanging materialistic gifts can leave her in trouble. So, avoid giving her things like dresses, pendants, and lingerie. Similarly, avoid subtle, intimate gifts like love letters, candles, and skin-care kits.
Regular gifts may raise her husband’s suspicion, and it will be difficult for her to hide them for long. However, discuss it with your lady love— if she can handle and hide them carefully, don’t stop by expressing yourself.
18. Maintain Boundaries
Boundaries play a massive role in sustaining complex relationships, extramarital affairs, or otherwise. Boundaries provide individuality and independence to partners in a relationship.
So, respect her limits and adhere to what she suggests if you wish to continue the relationship without overwhelming and exhausting each other.
19. Avoid being overly friendly with her husband
If your married date is a woman who is also your friend’s wife or coworker’s wife, then it’s not safe to be over-friendly with her husband.
The guilt would intensify, and you may as well pity her husband or, worse, get jealous of him. Being friends with your partner’s husband won’t go untouched. Suppose her husband genuinely considers you his friend. In that case, he will share his marital life and many private details— details that will claw your heart. So, keep your distance lengthy.
20. Enjoy the moment and quit dreaming of a future
Before getting involved, you knew the risk, and you also knew its disadvantages. Yet, you chose to continue the relationship probably because you both love each other.
Stick to that thought and waver away from false hopes. Don’t live in the hopes for a fruitful future; instead, cherish the current moment you share with her. If your only goal is to marry her, leave right away because she may never divorce her husband.
Don’t make futuristic goals with her; take baby steps and enjoy loving her in the present, i.e., if you can.
Before you go ahead and ruin a marriage— know the background. Dating a married woman is never simple. You have to ask questions like- does she love her husband? does she deserve more? Is she respected enough? Is it a fulfilling marriage? If most of these answers direct you to the conclusion of an ‘unhappy marriage,’ you know how to make your woman feel loved. However, if it’s a successful marriage— you must let go sooner than later to save yourself and your partner from an unhealthy triangle romance.
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