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14 Signs That A Woman Has Not Been Sexually Active

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Signs that a woman has not been sexually active

You met a girl— she is funny, gorgeous, playful, and kind. She is everything you would want as a girlfriend. You love spending time with her, talking to her, hugging her, and kissing her, but something in her actions and behavior doesn’t feel right. She may not have noticed, but you have. How she pulls away and cuts you off at the sight of something sexual— one of the clear signs a woman has not been sexually active.

If everything in your relationship has been flawless except for your physical relationship, there’s a high chance that your girlfriend is trying to avoid sexual intimacy with you— a big indicator that she might be sexually inactive.

And before you jump to demand the sex you deserve in the relationship, hold your horses. There can be a multitude of causes as to why many women remain sexually inactive. There’s also to find out whether she is actually sexually inactive or is it just your speculation.

14 Signs that a woman has not been sexually active!

Whether a woman is sexually active or not cannot be decided within a month of dating. Multiple individuals wish to take at least a month or two before they engage in amorous activities. It’s only natural to be sure!

However, if the situation prolongs for months and you are left to wonder why— Here are 14 signs a woman has not been sexually active and the causes behind it! These signs can better help you read your situation and move forward with maturity and understanding.

1. Overstretching online dating

The text conversation between the two of you is fire— it’s absolutely hilarious and fun. You like talking to her and she seems very involved and invested, too.

You text back and forth day and night. Her texts don’t take ages to come either— they are instant, spontaneous, and engaging.

However, this engaging texting is only limited to texting— it doesn’t go any further. Some women may not even go on dates. Your girlfriend may pull away or try to postpone meeting with you whenever you ask her out. She always has a reason/excuse on hand to push away any real-life meetings.

This is alright when you have just started connecting over texting/calls. It becomes an indicator of her sexual inactivity when online dating continues to stretch over months.

Overstretching online dating doesn’t always mean a woman is sexually inactive— she might just be shy, scared, or an introvert.

But, if it’s nothing of that sort and you cannot understand the reason behind her choices— she might be a little concerned about having a physical relationship with you because it will be inevitable to avoid ones you meet.

2. No sex without months of commitment

It’s alright to take a few months to connect with your partner before you are sure of the relationship. However, there’s a difference between ‘wanting to wait until you are sure’ and ‘using commitment demands’ to avoid sex altogether.

Sex is a significant factor in any relationship— it’s as equally important as building an emotional connection. When you are attracted to someone, your body is naturally inclined towards them.

The urge to connect with them in every single sense is undeniably strong. If your girl persists in holding out sex after months of dating and relationship contentment— it’s a sign that she has been sexually inactive and isn’t sure of getting back in the game.

She doesn’t know whether she is ready for you or how to respond to your sexual advances.

3. Hyperactive sexting but no real action

Not sexually active

Your girlfriend’s sex life is different over texts and entirely opposite in real life. The striking difference between her sensual texts and her unapproachable reality confuses and bewilders you.

She is not shy and deliberately initiates a sensual conversation. However, things take a run down the hill once reality hits both of you.

She hypes the sexual tension and broadens your wild imagination, like filling a balloon with gas. The minute you meet, it doesn’t take much for her to burst that bubble. It leaves you hanging and wanting more.

Your girlfriend shuts you down at the mere recitation of what you talked about over the phone.

This shows that your girlfriend is very much sexually aroused  but not entirely sexually active— she doesn’t know how to respond to your move or initiate something herself.

4. Exaggerated PDA in public

Some women want to hide the fact that they are sexually inactive. So you might notice her publicly displaying a non-existent sexual tension between you.

Of course, this behavior can be unintentional but it’s intended to hide her sexual inactivity from you and the world.

5. Reluctance

Sexually inactive women may not directly tell you ‘NO,’ but they will often indirectly be reluctant about engaging in amorous activities. There will always be a reason to postpone or delay the sexual encounter.

“Baby, I want to start gradually.” They might take days before kissing you, months before they engage in anything remotely to be called foreplaying, and several months before finally engaging in sexual activities.

This reluctance can make the ‘foreplay’ continue for months before you finally have sex. Plus, this so-called foreplay is also often split into levels. Each step in itself is unbearably and painfully slow.

While foreplay is good at the moment— Sexually inactive women often use it to distract you from having actual sex. It’s used as a promise for a future that is already too late.

6. Limited only to foreplay

As said, many women would limit their sexual encounters to foreplay only. For them, continuing the foreplay toward sex is very much uneasy, unpredictable, and uncomfortable.

Because they have been sexually inactive for so long; sex can be an unknown territory for them and they don’t know what to expect.

Foreplay is a great tool to overshadow the lack of sex in the relationship. ‘No sexual intimacy’ can end the relationship, foreplay is a loose strand that many people use to hold onto the relationship and their partner.

It can also help avoid fights that usually arise because your relationship lacks sex.

7. Finding excuses to escape

“Babe! I have had a very hectic day. I would like to call it a night.”
“Let’s wait until marriage.”
“I haven’t had a bath today, can we do this tomorrow?”
“I don’t have sexy lingerie with me today, tomorrow will be our day.”
“I cannot come today, I’m stuck somewhere.”

While these reasons may be valid for all we know, if these reasons are the only thing you have received in the name of sex; it is a sign that your woman has not been sexually active and is trying to continue her phase.

8. Shy when it comes to sex

Your otherwise wild woman suddenly becomes extremely shy in bed. She accepts your sexual advances willingly but becomes extremely shy in bed. She is very coy and doesn’t verbally express what she desires from you.

She becomes mute, stagnant, and docile when things heat up— even her moans are strained! Her body gives away and shows no signs of action— she lets you have her but never takes over.

In fact, you may notice that she doesn’t initiate anything sexually stimulating herself: your physical relationship very much depends on you and your actions.

During sexual encounters, she may never meet your eyes or allow a moan to escape. Sexually inactive women often try to cover their bodies as much as possible. Because they haven’t been touched, seen, or worshiped for so long, they may get insecure about baring themselves to others.

Such women also try to keep the lights out to hide their emotions.

9. Timid or submissive in bed

There’s a difference between ‘wanting to be submissive in bed’ and ‘being submissive because you don’t know what to do.’

Women who like dominating partners and sex are often vocal about their needs and desires. They will communicate their desires openly and regularly because they like it!

On the contrary, sexually inactive women are simply submissive because they have not been in the game for long and have forgotten how to play it! They are also very timid about their sexual needs and desires. They never talk about it and get shy or uncomfortable when you bring the topic to light— they simply let you lead.

Don’t confuse their silence with their desires— be vocal!

10. Guilt-trapped affection

Because sexually inactive women often hold back sex, they try to overcompensate it with ungodly affection. They will ensure you are content or more than content with them in every other aspect of the relationship— be it emotional, mental, financial, or social.

They will continue to do everything in their power to keep you happy and to take your attention away from your sexually depriving relationship. This affection, however, is often trapped or laced with guilt and trepidation.

  Guilt because they cannot give you satisfying sexual pleasure in the relationship.

  Trepidation because they think you might leave them for the lack of sex in the relationship.

This is also the reason why so many women accept their partner’s toxic behavior or lack of effort.

11. Easily aroused

Another significant giveaway of your woman’s sexual inactivity is that they are easily sexually aroused. They don’t require much foreplay to get down to business. In fact, they barely need long kisses. When your body is deprived of something, it’s only natural to incline towards it. A little action can get them going.

12. On the contrary, they are hardly aroused

How long can a woman stay without sex

Sounds confusing, right? How can we have completely opposite reactions to the same issue? Well, it differs because women who do get easily aroused are not under the burden of their image, religion, society, or trauma.

On the other hand, it’s a different story for women who come from a conservative family, religion, or society. Many women also remain sexually inactive and don’t get aroused easily because they endured trauma or PTSD regarding their sexual orientation.

Such women find it difficult to get easily aroused, for some; it’s impossible. Their minds are plagued with multiple negative thoughts together.

If they come from a conservative upbringing, instead of feeling pleasure, they experience guilt, fear, shame, and disgust.

If they have PTSD, it’s even more difficult to trust someone enough to engage in sex or even come close to sex.

This also includes women who have had unsatisfactory sexual relationships and partners in the past. For them, sex seems burdensome, boring, demanding, and simply not worth it!

13. Speedy orgasm or no orgasm

A sexually inactive woman who’s instantly aroused might orgasm faster.

On the contrary, some women barely get to orgasm— this can be because their partners have been awfully unsatisfactory in bed. So, they remain sexually inactive because it’s not adequate for them.

Please note, no orgasm is one of the biggest signs that your girlfriend isn’t sexually attracted to you! It’s not the end of the world though! You can always improve this with communication, understanding, and multiple experiments.

14. Workaholics

As a workaholic woman myself, I know how difficult it can be to maintain relationships and an active social life. We often skip dating or meeting new people because we don’t have time to go through all the steps.

Some workaholic women take pleasure in casual dating or hookups because it’s easier and less time-consuming. While those who don’t believe in hook-up culture remain single and thus sexually inactive.

What causes a woman to be sexually inactive?

Instead of getting angry about the lack of sex in the relationship, it’s a good thing that you are trying to understand why your woman has been sexually inactive for so long.

Without a doubt, sex is a necessity of human needs, very much like breathing, eating, socializing, etc. Our bodies are designed in such a way… until society started to intervene in basic human instinct and nature.

Society breaks and tries to reshape human nature in hopes of taming the very being, but how long can you truly be separate from your true desires and urges?

Many societies deem sex to be a taboo before marriage or a mere source of reproduction, not pleasure. It’s a hushed news in any culture and yet everyone does it behind closed doors. This societal construct is worse for women.

Her virtue, morale, and ethics are often sublimed to her virginity. While boys are applauded for their sexual ventures, a woman is considered someone shameless and without self-respect.

This very societal construct makes women adopt an ideology that is different from their instincts and urges.

Shame is not the only emotion connected to decreased libido in women; this society objectifies and sexualizes women at any given stage. So, you see, a woman’s libido goes through many stages until they fully accept their need and what they deserve.

Unfortunately, society and religion aren’t the only causes of low libido in women, below are all the major causes why a woman is not sexually active and they are worth noticing to improve your and her sex life.

Being single

Of course, this has to be the number one cause of sexual inactivity in women. When you don’t have a partner, your sex life becomes non-existent unless you don’t mind hook-ups or casual dating.

There can be multiple reasons why a woman remains single:

  • A traumatic breakup
  • Trust issues
  • A previous unsatisfying relationship
  • Losing interest in the dating world
  • Lack of better options.

Desiring commitment from a relationship

How long can a woman stay without a man

In today’s world, commitment has become one big scary word. The question “Where are we in this relationship?” scares people more than ghosts. Nobody wants to commit and yet many find it a necessity to maintain loyal and loving relationships. With our current hook-up and casual dating culture, commitment has become a rare gem to find.

I completely stand by the hookup culture as long as it is mutual and with consent. However, many would simply blind people with the promises of a relationship and ghost ones they have hooked up with you.

This leaves many individuals with trust issues who actually strongly desire commitment to building connections. It’s difficult for such people to have sexual relationships with others because they constantly fear betrayal or being ghosted.

Society. Religion. Culture.

We broadly discussed how society perceives sex for different genders. It is often seen in a bad light, especially for women.

  “Boy will be boys! You should stay safe so as to not seduce them.”
This instills fear in women towards men who are so easily forgiven.

  “Men are in the room, go cover-up, please!”
Objectification ad sexualization.

  “Oh! She sleeps around! What a Wh*re!”

  “So, what if you are tired? I’ll change your mood!”
Expected to be a constant giver.

After society, religion also takes a toll on how women are perceived when it comes to sex.

  • Your virtue is your virginity.
  • Sex before marriage is taboo.

While some follow these rules wholeheartedly, others are forced! This mentality can further fuel a women’s sexual inactivity.

Sexually depriving partners in the past.

“What happens when a woman is sexually deprived?”

Various studies report that almost 80% of women fake orgasms because apparently, their partners cannot satisfy them enough to reach their climax. The lack of orgasm makes sex a burdensome deal for these women— so they fake it to get it done with it as fast as possible.

Faking orgasm is in itself very tiring and non-fulfilling. This is also the reason why many women choose not to engage in sexual activities because it’s unsatisfying for them and quite literally burdensome.


Women go through many hormonal changes throughout the month, this also fluctuates their sexual libido. Other factors such as age, menopause, thyroid, or cortisol can alter sex drive in women.

Though birth control or contraceptive pills prevent pregnancy, they can also contribute to a low sex libido.

  • Low estrogen
  • Low testosterone
  • High progesterone during periods.

Mental health issues

Mental health is the least talked about topic and yet alters every aspect of our lives. Many simply choose to ignore it and blame themselves for being so unpassionate, unproductive, and dull.

Distressed mental health can easily cause low sex libido because it kills our spark and leaves us numb.

A situation where you barely want to continue your day-to-day tasks expects you to continue a sexual life that requires so much effort seems impossible. It’s even worse when the sex you receive is below average and demanding instead of being fulfilling.

It’s quite understandable why people remain sexually inactive when dealing with mental health traumas. All their energy is often invested in healing and relationships are the last thing on their minds.

Your mental health can deplete for multiple reasons:

  • Work stress
  • Dissatisfactory life
  • Exhaustion.
  • Family issues.
  • Failure
  • Stagnant life, etc.

When unmonitored, your mental health can soon convert into depression. So, please don’t be hard on yourself and continue to keep yourself happy through whatever means.

Fear of sex /PTSD with sexual abuse.

“It’s easier to call someone prude or uncool for their years-long sexual inactivity, but it takes kindness to understand why they are the way they are!” For sexually abused victims, even the most secure and loving relationship, can trigger traumas.

  • They fear touch and fail to differentiate between good touch and bad touch.
  • They experience disgust, trepidation, and anxiety all at once at the mere thought of sex.
  • They are scared of being used.

It can take years of therapy to heal these traumas and trust someone again to do something remotely sexual.

No emotional connection

This is so common between couples. Many partners would never provide you with the mental or emotional gravity needed in the relationship and yet expect you to provide them with a physically engaging relationship.

Boys, most of the women want to connect to you heart-to-heart before they connect with you bodily and it’s very important in every single sense. Here’s an instance,

Your partner keeps you at the bare minimum, he has become so comfortable in the relationship he barely puts effort to make the relationship exciting. There are no flowers, no romantic poems, no candle night dinners, and yet the expectation for sex every night.

The cherry on top is when they fight with you after being such a disappointment as a partner and expect you to reward them with sex when they give you the most unromantic apology.

Negative body image

A person insecure about their body is likely to keep it hidden. Their negative body image will always judge them and make them believe that nobody would want to see it. This is also the reason they avoid sex when in reality, they are simply avoiding being judged.

Unfortunately, they judge and punish themselves more than the world and I would say society is yet again to contribute to this mentality.

“You are so thin! Please, eat!”
“She is like a boy, there’s nothing going on for her.”
“You are too fat, nobody wants to see that! Please cover-up.”
“Loose weight/Gain weight if you ever want someone to date you.”

While it’s easier to say “Don’t mind them!’ A negative body image can impact a person’s well-being, mental and physical health, and perception of sex.

They often believe nobody would love who I am and this is also the reason why they remain sexually inactive.

How to fix low libido in women?

It’s common to experience a low sex libido frequently in life, but it’s not a permanent problem that cannot be fixed. A little communication and understanding can help you and your partner open up to great opportunities.

Have you ever wondered “Why is my wife not interested in me sexually?”


Oftentimes, a low sex drive or sex inconsistency can explode the relationship with multiple arguments, miscommunications, severed distance, and fights. It only worsens when you don’t communicate about the things that bother you. That’s not all, not communicating about your sexual needs can also deplete your sex experience in the relationship drastically.

Couples would rather entertain giving their partner the silent treatment instead of communicating their feelings. Some would go ahead and blame or even accuse the other person for the lack of sex in the relationship.

  • “You are always tired when I ask you for sex! I deserve sex in this relationship.”
  • “Why aren’t you kissing me back? I hate it when you do this to me!”
  • “I’m going to leave if you are going to say no to sex again.”
  • “I don’t care! This relationship is unfulfilling.”

A relationship devoid of sex is indeed unfulfilling. However, blaming and accusing your partner of not having sex would never help you secure a healthy relationship. It may provide you with a guilt-trapped sex session, but it’s never more than that!

Your relationship and sex can only get better when you communicate and understand your partner and where they are coming from! When you communicate, you will know why they have been avoiding sex for so long. After communicating can you only find a solution to your partner’s low sex drive and it’s very much interconnected with you and your sex performance.

Related article: The 20 best bonding activities for married couples.


“Wife has no sex drive, what can I do?”

Every cause that we mentioned above is extreme and very much deep-rooted. While they may seem far-fetched, every woman has experienced these emotions and much more when it comes to sex.

Understanding their reasoning will help you better at pleasuring them.

  If they had a bad sexual partner in the past, you should ask them about their ‘women’s sexual desires/fantasies’ and bring them to life gradually.

If they have faked orgasm all their life, instead of taking it to your manhood, understand where they are coming from! Experiment with your sex life and see what works for your woman! Don’t try to speed up the process to get what you want. No, take time and let your main focus be to pleasure your woman and help her achieve orgasm.

  If they are mentally stressed, give them the time and understanding to heal. At the same time, be their support pillar and not a pressurizing machine for sex. When you support them, they will trust you more and more. Achieving mental depth in your relationship can easily aid your sexual connection as well.

  If they have had PTSD, it can be very difficult for your partner to overcome it! Everything worsens when you blame them for their low sex libido. It will break their trust and make them further fear sex.

At the same time, you should work on improving the emotional and mental connection you share with your partner. If the relationship is supportive and comfortable, women naturally will gravitate towards you.

It’s alright if you don’t want to stay in a relationship that cannot satisfy you sexually. You can calmly put forth your reasoning and break up with them. Blaming them would bring you no gain.

Be a giver!

“What causes high sex drive in females?”

If you are a man reading this, try being a giver as a sexual partner. The more you give, the more pleasure you will attain. Men are often made to believe that they pleasure the most from sex and that they are the takers.

So, most of them never really care about their women’s low sex libido, delayed or no arousal, and no orgasm. For a change, be the giver for your girlfriend. Have sex with them with the main purpose of pleasuring them instead of running toward your own climax. You will notice the change quite instantly, trust me!

Experiment. Experiment. Experiment.

Communicating and experimenting with new things in your sex life is very crucial to maintain a romantic relationship. You will never know how to please your woman until you ask them. When you do know their sexual desires, make sure to experiment with them.

It’s also important to note that women might not give away their needs that easily. They actually have to trust you enough to spill their darkest and dearest desires. So, be the partner your woman can trust and open up to!

Related article: “10 ways to keep your relationship hot.”

FAQs on low libido in women

The more you know, the better!

Are there any side effects of not having sex in woman?

  • Is it unhealthy to not have sex? Physiologically, no!

People who are asexual or celibate live just as happening life as any other sexually active person. While sex can have many benefits, its absence doesn’t warrant any side effects.

Effects of Abstinence on Females:

  • Mentally,

the absence of sex can cause distress and discomfort. This, again, can vary from individual to individual. Some people choose celibacy for various befitting reasons, while others may become insecure and anxious about the lack f sex from their life.

  • Relationship

While there are many great stories of successful relationships where both partners or at least one of them is asexual/celibate, some might find the abstains from sex quite alarming in the relationship. If you think sex is an essential requirement for you, you should choose a partner with the same sexual orientation and vice versa.

Do women lose their sex drive?

A woman’s sex drive can significantly vary throughout their life, but it’s not completely extinguished, especially if they are not asexual or a willing celibate.

Factors such as periods, hormonal imbalance during periods, no dex drive during pregnancy, abortion, menopause, disappointing men, or other illnesses can significantly reduce their sex drive.

How long can a woman stay without sex?

A woman can live without sex for the rest of her life and so can any man! The sex drive of a person is very much dependent on their being and preference instead of their gender regardless of what society has to say in the matter.

Women with high sex drive would never go more than a week without sex. On the other hand, women with a low sex drive can go on for years or even a lifetime without sex.

How long can a woman stay without a man?

Very much so! Men are a beautiful part of a woman’s life, but not necessarily a necessity to exist. Of course, both genders can be very interdependent but that’s not the case for everyone out there!

In the end, it again comes down to personal preference rather than the gender of an individual.

Does sex hurt after not having it for a while?

Yes, it can hurt or cause discomfort in a woman, but that pain is often short-lived. To avoid hurting yourself badly, it’s best to start slow and make your experience as comfortable as possible.

Abstinence vs Celibacy

Celibacy is a personal and spiritual choice to not have sex for a long period and it can extend to years or a lifetime. It’s a lifestyle many choose to attain something bigger in the universe.

Celibacy is a vow.

On the other hand, although abstinence is often regarded with sex, it’s not sex-specific. It can refer to literally anything, abstinent from alcohol, drugs, sex, junk food, etc. When interlinked with sex, abstinence is often regarded as a temporary choice.

Abstinence isn’t a vow!

While celibacy is often connected with spirituality and a lifetime commitment. Abstinence is short-lived and may have religious or societal roots, such as abstaining from sex before marriage or in your teen years.

How long is too long without sex in a relationship?

This number can very much depend on the couples involved. Some only prefer having sex once a month while others need it every other week. It’s best to communicate with your partner about your needs!

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