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Why An Addict Can’t Love You- 10 Honest Reasons

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Why an addict can't love you

Why an addict can’t love you? Being in love with an addict can easily be one of the most complex things to do in relationships! It’s because you always wonder, “Do they love me or the drug more?”

It’s a familiar craving that people in relationships want their partners to be addicted to them. Of course not in an unhealthy way. They just want their partner to be head over heels for them!

But in the case of loving an addict, you may constantly find yourself competing with something that is not even human. You’re literally trying to be more important than a drug to your favorite person!

This arouses several questions in your heart,

  • “Why an addict can’t love you?”
  • “Can a drug addict truly love someone?”
  • “How addiction ruins relationships?”
  • “When to walk away from an addict?”

It is not easy to be flooded by such daunting questions while loving someone with an addiction! Moreover, you may never find the right answers either.

So let us explain this situation from

Related Article: The Importance of Teamwork!

Drug Addiction and Relationships

It won’t be a surprise if I say that it’s very hard to find a person you truly fall in love with and be actually happy. But what happens when this person turns out to be a drug addict?

Can you still love them knowing you will be their second priority? More importantly, can an addict love you?

Truth be told, marriages—or serious long-term, romantic relationships—and drugs do not go together!

If a person is a drug addict, the effect will always be felt by those around them. This includes their partner, friends, coworkers, and even children (if any).

 – In a 2020 study, it was found that over 30 million people consumed illegal drugs on a monthly basis. And many of these people have lovers, spouses, and romantic relationships!

 – Another report by Psychiatric Times revealed that 40 to 60 percent of cases of intimate partner violence are connected to substance abuse.

All in all, it’s safe to say that only a few percent of relationships are healthy where one or both partners are drug addicts.

In most cases, loving a drug addict will not only give you a hard time, but it may also consume all your energy, mental stability, and the power to love.

Living in a drug-struck relationship may change how you perceive a lover and the dynamics of your relationship will be entirely different as compared to normal, healthy couples!

Why an addict can’t love you?

We know it’s a sad truth, but someone who is addicted to a substance will always choose the drug over their partner!

It does not really matter how much they love you or how far they are willing to go for you. The negative effects of substance abuse push their brain to blindly move towards more substance abuse.

To put it more clearly, they have chemical, biological, and mental reasons to choose the drug over you. And without proper treatment, they aren’t capable of making a different choice by themselves!

Here are some more reasons why an addict can’t love you:

1. Their Focus is on the Substance

When someone is deep into addiction, their primary love affair is with the substance itself. It becomes their top priority, leaving little room for genuine emotional connection with another person!

2. Emotional Rollercoaster

Addiction is a turbulent ride, causing intense mood swings and unpredictable behavior. This instability makes it challenging for addicts to maintain a steady and consistent emotional bond with a partner.

a clear view and help you figure out why an addict can’t love you, and how drug addiction and relationships work!

3. Trust Takes a Hit

Addiction often involves lying, deceit, and broken promises. Trust is essential in any relationship, but it becomes incredibly difficult to build or maintain trust when addiction is in the picture.

4. Selfishness Takes the Wheel

Addiction is a selfish beast. It consumes an addict’s thoughts, actions, and motivations. Their focus is primarily on satisfying their own cravings!

5. Lack of Emotional Availability

Addiction numbs emotions, making it difficult for addicts to connect deeply with their own feelings, let alone those of their partner. Emotional intimacy can suffer greatly in such circumstances.

6. Communication Breakdown

Addiction often leads to communication breakdowns!

Many addicts may struggle to express their needs, fears, or emotions effectively, leading to misunderstandings and further distancing in the relationship.

7. Prioritizing the Next Fix

When an addict’s mind is preoccupied with obtaining their next high, it’s tough for them to prioritize  the needs and desires of their partner!

The substance becomes the central focus, pushing everything else to the sidelines. It is a sad reality for people who have drug addicts as their lovers.

8. Unpredictability and Instability

Addiction can create a chaotic and unpredictable environment, filled with constant ups and downs. This lack of stability makes it challenging for a healthy and nurturing love to flourish.

9. Damaged Self-Esteem

Addicts often struggle with feelings of guilt, shame, and low self-worth!

These negative emotions can hinder their ability to fully love and accept themselves. In turn, this makes it even harder to offer love to someone else.

10. Recovery Takes Time

While recovery is possible, it’s usually an incredibly challenging journey that takes a lot of time, dedication, and professional help.

Until an addict dedicates to recovery, their encouragement to love deeply may always be compromised. Remember, all these reasons do not make an addict unworthy of love or incapable of change.

However, you must acknowledge these obstacles firsthand to make informed decisions and take care of your own well-being in a relationship with an addict!

How to love an addict?

Being in a relationship with an addict is not a pleasant or common experience. Rather, it’s challenging, unpredictable, and sometimes downright confusing!

But hey, love has its own mysterious ways, and if you’re determined to love a person who is struggling with addiction, we’ve got your back.

Below, we’ll share some important tips on how to love an addict while keeping your sanity intact:

a) Educate yourself: The first step in loving someone with addiction is to understand addiction itself.

Take the time to educate yourself about the nature of addiction, its effects, and the challenges your loved one may face. This knowledge will help you approach the situation with empathy and a deeper understanding.

b) Separate the person from addiction: Remember that the person you love is separate from their addiction. Addiction doesn’t define them entirely!

Try to see beyond their struggles and recognize their potential, strengths, and positive qualities. This mindset will help you foster a loving and supportive environment.

c) Practice self-care: Loving an addict can take a toll on your own well-being. This is why, it’s crucial to prioritize self-care. 

Take time for yourself, engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, and seek support from friends, family, or support groups. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup!

d) Set healthy boundaries: Establishing clear boundaries is essential when loving an addict!

Define what behaviors are acceptable and what you will not tolerate. Boundaries protect your emotional well-being and help maintain a healthy dynamic in the relationship.

e) Encourage open communication: Effective communication is key in any relationship! It gets even more important when you’re wondering what to say to an addict you love!

Simply, try and create a safe space for your loved one to share their feelings and experiences without judgment. Encourage them to express their emotions openly, and be ready to listen with kindness and understanding.

f) Offer support, not enablement: Support your loved one in their journey towards recovery, but be mindful not to enable their addiction.

You must understand the difference between supporting their recovery efforts and inadvertently enabling destructive behavior. It’s a delicate balance, but it’s crucial for their long-term well-being.

g) Celebrate milestones: Recovery is a challenging process and every small victory counts! 

Celebrate the milestones, whether it’s a day of sobriety or a successful therapy session. Your encouragement and acknowledgment can be powerful motivators for their continued progress.

h) Encourage professional help: Addiction is a complex issue, and professional help is often crucial.

Uplift your loved one to seek therapy, counseling, or support groups tailored to their specific needs. Professional guidance can provide them with the tools and resources necessary for their recovery journey.

i) Be patient and understanding: Recovery is not a linear path. There will be ups and downs, relapses and setbacks.

So, you must approach the process with patience and compassion. Remember, addiction is a disease, and recovery takes time. Your unwavering support can make a world of difference.

Loving an addict is a journey filled with highs and lows. It requires resilience, understanding, and unwavering compassion!

By arming yourself with the necessary knowledge, setting healthy boundaries, and nurturing your own well-being, you can create an affectionate environment. A place that supports your loved one’s recovery while also taking care of yourself. You’ve got this!

How to know if an addict is serious about recovery?

“No matter how dark the moment, love and hope are always possible.” – George Chakiris

Knowing if a drug addict is sincere about their vow to quit can be difficult. Their behavior may portray honesty someday, while on the other, they act like a crazy person because they didn’t get that one-last-high.

However, when an addict truly wants to walk on the path of sobriety, they will show these signs:

– They take responsibility. A serious commitment to recovery starts with the addict taking ownership of their actions! They acknowledge the impact their addiction has had on their life and the lives of those around them.

 Next, it’s not just about saying they want to recover; it’s about taking concrete steps toward it. Look for signs of active engagement, such as attending support groups, seeking therapy, or participating in treatment programs!

– Recovery is tough without a solid support system. If an addict is serious about recovery, they’ll surround themselves with positive influences and get support from close peers, sponsors, or mentors who understand their struggles.

 When someone is genuinely trying to recover, they will display consistency and endurance in their efforts!

They will always show up for therapy sessions, and support group meetings. Plus, they seem to be actively working on their coping mechanisms and plans for maintaining sobriety.

– Recovery from drug addiction often requires significant lifestyle changes! Is your partner making adjustments, such as distancing themselves from old triggers, adopting healthier habits, and embracing activities that promote well-being?

Ultimately, their actions will speak louder than words, showing whether they’re truly serious about transforming their lives. If yes, keep an open line of communication, express your support, and be there for your partner!

When to walk away from an addict?

Now, let’s talk about a tough topic: knowing when to walk away from an addict.

It’s not an easy decision, but sometimes it becomes critical to prioritize your own well-being over theirs. So let’s explore signs that indicate it might be time to put yourself first and find the strength to move on!

1. Repeated Broken Promises

Loving someone with addiction

If you find yourself in a cycle of broken promises, where your loved one repeatedly says they’ll change or get help but never follows through, it shows that their addiction has a stronghold on them.

Your trust is precious, and if it’s repeatedly shattered, it might be time to put your own happiness first.

2. Emotional and Physical Abuse

No one deserves to endure abuse, whether it’s emotional or physical. Addiction can sometimes fuel hurtful behavior, leading to a toxic and potentially dangerous environment. 

Remember, you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, and respect. And if you’re not getting it, it’s time to part ways!

3. Lack of Effort and Commitment

Substance abuse recovery is a tough journey that requires a lot of effort and commitment!
If your loved one consistently shows a lack of motivation, refuses help, or doesn’t take their recovery seriously, it means they’re not ready or willing to change.

Sometimes, you have to prioritize your own growth and happiness over staying in a stagnant situation.

4. Neglecting Personal Growth

Personal growth and self-improvement are important aspects of a healthy relationship!

However, if your loved one’s addiction consumes their life to the point where personal growth takes a backseat, it can hinder your relationship’s growth as well. It’s essential to be with someone who actively works on bettering themselves!

5. Unsustainable Lifestyle

Addiction often comes with a chaotic lifestyle filled with instability, financial issues, and legal troubles.

If your loved one’s drug addiction is causing troubles daily and negatively impacting your own well-being, it might be time to reassess whether the relationship is sustainable in the long run or not.

6. Disregard for Your Well-being

A healthy relationship involves mutual care and consideration. But what if your loved one consistently disregards your needs, puts their addiction before your relationship, or shows little concern for your well-being?

It’s a clear sign that they’re not capable of providing the love and support you deserve!

7. Your Happiness is Diminished

Ultimately, your happiness matters. If being in a relationship with an addict brings you sadness, anxiety, and a sense of being trapped, it’s crucial to think of your own emotional well-being and get out.

You deserve to be with someone who brings joy, stability, and a sense of security into your life!

Note that walking away from an addict doesn’t mean you don’t care or that you’re abandoning them. We know it is a difficult decision made out of self-preservation and a desire to create a healthier future for yourself!

Your happiness matters, and finding the strength to walk away can lead to a brighter future filled with love, growth, and inner peace!

Breaking up with an addict you love.

Breaking up with an addict you love

Breaking up with an addict you love is gonna be tough. It’s like guiding through a storm of conflicting emotions and deep heartache!

But sometimes, it’s the necessary step you must take to protect your own well-being. Here’s what you need to know as you go through this challenging process:

a) First and foremost, remember that your feelings are valid. It’s okay to love someone and still recognize that the relationship isn’t healthy for you. Addiction can seriously affect both the addict and their loved ones, and it’s crucial to prioritize your own emotional and mental health.

b) To begin, you must communicate your boundaries and concerns openly. Let them know how their addiction is impacting you and express your need for a healthier relationship.

However, be prepared for the possibility that they may not be ready or able to meet your needs due to their addiction.

c) Please take time to grieve the loss of the relationship. Breaking up with an addict you love can be incredibly painful. You may end up falling into guilt for not “fixing” your person.

But the truth is, a significant part of their recovery will only happen if they desire to get healthy. Professionals can also help them follow methods and ways of living that may be beneficial for their recovery.

Perhaps, your absence may give them the space to truly realize what they have become with their foot in drug addiction.

d) Focus on self-care and healing. Be around a close network that uplifts and encourages you. Make time to take part in activities that bring you joy and help you regain your sense of self.

More importantly, remember that you deserve to be with someone who reciprocates your feelings and love you how much you love them!

Bottom Line

In the end, you should accept that an addict’s inability to love you has nothing to do with your worth or desirability as a person. Drug addiction is a powerful force that can consume and control even the deepest emotions!

As hard as it may be to admit, sometimes the most loving thing you can do for yourself is to let go and move on. Know that you are worthy of a love that is genuine, supportive, and built on a foundation of trust.

As the saying goes, “Sometimes the hardest part isn’t letting go, but rather learning to start over.” It may take time to heal, but in doing so, you are opening yourself up to the possibility of a healthier and more fulfilling relationship!

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