Having fights, disagreements, and arguments with your husband is normal and prevalent. However, their anger can sometimes get the worst out of them and make them say things that can genuinely hurt you.
Of course, your husband will try to make up for his hurtful words with genuine and sincere actions, but sometimes those words stab and leave your heart with a permanent scar.
It’s even worse when your husband’s statements are so harsh that they shake the foundation and integrity of your happy married life.
Words hurt and can have a lasting impact on your heart, trust, self-esteem, love, and confidence. Here are the worst things a husband can say to his wife. These statements can affect you and your marriage immensely.
So, don’t forget to have a detailed conversation about your partner’s statements and the words he chooses in a moment of fury. Let him know it scars your heart and leaves you with immense pain and agony. If you don’t call out your husband for his words, your marriage will soon start to suffocate and hurt you.
10 Things your partner should never say to you
Don’t let these statements pass just because they were said during an angry disagreement. Ignoring and forgiving your husband’s words without an apology will weaken the bond you share with each other.
1. “C’mon, you cannot compare my work with your household chores. Managing a house isn’t that difficult. Stop exaggerating!”
“My husband thinks he does more than me.”
It’s so easy to nullify a housewife’s continuous effort to transform a house into a warm home— household chores never end, and you never get paid, either.
It’s cruel to underestimate your work’s worth just because society does not recognize it enough. If your husband belittles your household duties, you should teach him a valuable lesson. Only an ignorant man who doesn’t respect your effort would say household chores aren’t that difficult!
2. “Why can you not entertain my guest party? I know it’s a sudden plan, but you will be sitting around the house anyway.”
- It’s inconsiderate to invite friends over without consulting you first.
- It’s even worse if they expect you to cook without any prior notice or without asking if you’d be able to pull it off.
- It’s hurtful to not be asked, “will you be able to make it? I can order takeout if you’d like.”
- It’s unkind to not consider your health and the tiresome day before making such plans.
“My husband says I don’t do enough around the house.”
“My husband thinks I don’t do anything.”
Most husbands out there usually believe that housewives simply sit around all day— they are a pathetic excuse of a partner/spouse if they do so!
3. “You have lost your spark. You were so different when I first met you.”
“Why does my husband say hurtful things?”
That sounds like a generic statement, right? However, most of the time, this statement comes out with a condescending and regretful tone.
A partner who genuinely loves you would be concerned, not regretful, about this sudden change. “Baby, you have been different. What’s bothering you? You know, I’m here for you.”
They are selfish and uncaring of you if they point out these differences regretfully. They don’t care about what’s bothering you; they just want things to go back to as they were.
4. “C’mon, you are better at household chores. You do them; I’ll make money.”
- First, this isn’t the 18th century; your husband is primitive.
- Secondly, he shouldn’t be making decisions for you. It’s disrespectful to not consult you before making such an absurd statement.
- Thirdly, it shows that your husband isn’t even ready to put effort into getting better at something. Not just cooling, he will try to have an easy escape from things he doesn’t want to do.
It sounds casual, right? “Oh, he just said it because he’s obviously not good.” Well, he should learn some life skills; his wife’s not a 24*7 maid— She has a job and life, too.
5. “I never thought I’d end up with YOU. It’s bizarre, haha!”
- Do they imply that you somehow got lucky marrying them?
- Do they make you feel insignificant compared to them?
- Do they make you feel like an inferior partner in the marriage?
At the front, this statement might seem normal, but they often have a hidden subtext in their tone. If your husband constantly makes you feel like he did a favor to you by marrying you, you shouldn’t dignify their behavior. Call them out for this.
Of course, you are lucky to have them; but they are fortunate to have you too, babe! Remember your worth.
6. “Why do you dress so casually? It’s unattractive. You used to dress so well when we were dating.”
Often, these comments can really rile up our anxiety and lower self-esteem. The one person whom we love and appreciate the most shouldn’t be the one to make us feel ugly. A true gentleman will accept and love you however you are.
You don’t need to play dress-up every day. In our house, we want to be more comfortable than representable. It should be a basic understanding between married couples.
7. “Why do you overreact so much! It’s irritating.”
The world might not listen, but we believe our husbands would listen to us, try to understand us, and sympathize with us. However, to be called irritating just for expressing your thoughts is simply not correct in any dictionary. A relationship should make you feel heard, understood, and validated.
A real gentleman would approach you with tenderness and listen to your emotions intently. They wouldn’t make you feel bad about how you feel in the moment.
- “Baby, what’s bothering you? Tell me about it; you don’t have to be hard on yourself.”
- “No, you are not overreacting. I know how you feel, but don’t worry. Your husband will help you through it.”
Being gentle, caring, and understanding doesn’t take a lot. Even if we overreact sometimes, it shouldn’t give them the right to lash at us.
8. “God! Your voice frustrates me. Shut up!”
“Why can’t my husband be nice to me?”
This is simply harsh, and it’s often intended to shut you up. The comment can seize our lips during an argument or even take a permanent spot in our hearts.
- “Do they hate my voice? Do they hate me?”
- “Do they not like talking to me anymore?”
- “Have I really started to irritate them?”
- “What if they start to hate me because of my voice?”
A single harsh comment can make us question the very foundation of our marriage. It may also make you walk on eggshells near your husband. We may choose our words wisely to not upset our partners. However, please don’t be hard on yourself. People say things when they are angry. You should talk to them and convey your emotions.
9. “If I knew you would become like this, I would have never married you.”
“My husband insults me when we fight.”
To doubt and regret the whole foundation of your marriage during an argument is wrong. We all lose our patience every once in a while. I understand disagreements and fights can make us say hurtful things, but this statement crosses every boundary.
It shows that your partner has started to resent you and your personality. While he may be coming from a place, being harsh about it isn’t the way to go. You should talk things out with your husband and ask them where everything went wrong.
While your husband’s words were intended to hurt you, it clearly shows that something about you is bothering him. A good, open, and meaningful conversation can resolve the many unresolved issues and differences you face in marriage.
10. Why do you deny sex? I know you are tired, but I’m not asking for a lot!
“My husband gets mad when I turn him down.”
Many husbands think it’s their right to demand sex despite what the wife has to say about their request. Married life becomes a little different from your dating life— it’s not only about sex and romance anymore; it’s about building a present and future together.
Plus, the added charm of your kids can further push your sex life behind. It can leave both partners unsatisfied and hung. However, ‘No’ means ‘No’ whether you are demanding sex in a marriage or otherwise.
“Husband doesn’t care if I get off.”
Sex is something both parties should enjoy. Your husband is a selfish prick if he doesn’t care about your climax and only sleeps with you to satisfy his needs.
There’s a better way to bring your sex life back on track but forcing the other partner for sex when they are tired isn’t one of them. Openly and respectfully discuss the sexual needs and expectations you have from the marriage; try to devise a schedule that’s comfortable for both of you.
20 Things your husband should never say to you, regardless of the situation.
11. “I hate you!”
Hate is a big word, one of the harshest words to use against your partner— the partner you vowed to love and cherish. Marriage is a lifetime commitment, and to hear such strong words from your partner may rock your world upside down.
Your husband might have said these words in a moment of fury, or it’s also possible that he has started to resent you and the marriage altogether. Please, politely communicate what’s going on with your spouse and see why they are behaving the way they do.
These words don’t simply come spontaneously; they might have been on your husband’s mind for a while now. It might be a sign that they have lost the love they once had for you because of the circumstances.
12. You are a crazy, psychotic woman.
No one should make you feel bad about yourself! If your husband often uses such statements to inflict pain and make you feel like a miserable person— draw the line.
Nobody has the right to insult you, especially when you have been nothing but a good wife to them. Draw a line if your partner curses you non-stop. He can either put his goddam opinion respectfully or not at all; they shouldn’t disrespect you.
You shouldn’t believe every word they say either, and it hurts your self-esteem in the process.
13. “I cannot stand your family; they are so frustrating.”
It’s alright to not like someone, people often have conflicts with their in-laws, but that shouldn’t give them the right to disrespect your family. This family has loved and cherished you all your life.
When I don’t like someone, I simply make my distance without hurting them unnecessarily. As a husband, your partner should communicate why he dislikes your family in a more civilized way. He should try to make amends with his in-laws before being so harsh about his judgment.
14. “Why are you so stupid and dumb?”
“My husband always jokingly insults me.”
“My husband calls me stupid and dumb.”
Do they make you question your intelligence every other day, or do they get a sick pleasure in making you feel dumb and stupid? Calling you stupid or dumb may make your husband feel more intelligent and accomplished.
Please remember that an intelligent individual would never belittle you for not knowing something. They will try to politely educate you where you lack intelligence without making you feel bad.
A truly educated person doesn’t judge others for not knowing something— they know that nobody is born with qualities; people acquire them with time and practice.
15. “Don’t even try! You will never be able to achieve those goals.”
This is a major red flag in partners. Someone who doesn’t encourage you to do better and become better doesn’t deserve to be in your life. To make things worse, they demotivate you and judge your capabilities.
“I don’t want to be mean; I’m just being honest. Please, face reality, babe! You can never achieve this.”
Wow! The audacity! Who are they to question your capabilities and nullify your dreams? A true partner would empower you and your goals. Instead of judging your abilities, he will encourage you to get better. Instead of asking you to give up, he will stand beside you to support you.
That’s the kind of man you deserve in your life!
16. “Give up! Think about the kids.”
It’s the most dreaded sentence for a wife, mother, or woman— to sacrifice their own dreams and goals for their kids. No relationship should make you surrender your dreams, woman!
- “You are an awful mother! How can you not think about your kids?”
- “You are so selfish; you are a bane to motherhood.”
Choosing your dreams along with your child doesn’t make you a bad mother ! You and your husband should split the responsibility evenly and devise a plan to make things work.
“Think about the kids,” they say. However, why should you be the only one thinking about the kids? Your husband should also think about the kids instead of dumping everything on your motherhood. Kids are the responsibility of both parents; a husband shouldn’t escape reality and force his wife to do everything alone just because society deems it fit.
Also, your husband should support and encourage you as a partner; they shouldn’t make you quit. A real partner would devise solutions instead of forcing you to take the blow every time.
17. “You should be thankful for me; I run this house.”
No, he doesn’t run this house alone, even when he’s the sole earner of the household. Men think they are somehow more influential, significant, and meaningful than their wives when they earn.
However, that’s not true! Being a housewife requires continuous and strenuous effort— physically, mentally, and emotionally. If your partner doesn’t acknowledge your hard work and continues to boast around like a king, he’s an ungrateful prick!
18. “I allowed you to work, remember?”
“I ALLOWED you.”
I have a personal grudge against this word.
It’s ridiculous and disrespectful. Love doesn’t give your husband authority over you. You don’t need your husband’s permission to do something; always remember that!
“When you allow someone to do something, you put yourself in a position of authority and control. That’s not equality.”
— from the movie “Dil Dhadakne Do.”
Your husband should understand that he cannot have authority or control over your life’s decisions. Of course, he can have a say, but he doesn’t get to decide your choices for you.
19. “I wish you had disappeared from my life.”
This can be a tipping statement for your marriage. It shows how your partner doesn’t value your existence anymore. You shouldn’t take it personally.
They should be proud and honored to have you. If they don’t, you don’t have to stay in a marriage that makes you feel worthless.
20. “I would have left if not for the kids.”
This statement can indicate several things:
- Your partner doesn’t love you anymore.
- “My husband and I do nothing together.”
- This marriage has become an agreement for the kids and has lost its value.
- He doesn’t care about you and wouldn’t mind having extramarital affairs.
“My husband says he wants a divorce when we fight….”
If your husband openly announces that he has lost interest in you— chances are that he’s on from this marriage, and it’s only contractual now.
It’s hurtful to hear those words, but you shouldn’t stay in a marriage that doesn’t reciprocate your love and care. And effort. Consider a divorce if your husband has made it clear that he has no romantic interest in you.
21. You are a disgrace to my family.
Disgrace is a big word coming from a man who didn’t leave his family behind for his spouse. You did, and yet you are a disgrace somehow.
If they don’t appreciate your effort, don’t try to impress them. Whatever you do will never be enough for them.
22. “I don’t care! I have my own problems.”
A marriage is a companionship between two people— to share laughter, sorrow, problems, and happiness. If your husband doesn’t care about your emotions, he is unworthy of your love, affection, and care. You shouldn’t always be at the giving end of the relationship without receiving anything in return.
- Do they make you feel like your problems are less severe than theirs?
- Do they dismiss your concerns without worry and continue focusing on their issues every single time?
- Do they make you feel bad about having these problems?
If so, they are selfish, uncaring, and undeserving.
23. “Get out of my house.”
Ouch! You probably put a significant amount of effort into making this house a cozy home for your family. It’s not just their house; it’s your home, too.
“My husband says his money is his.” Well, your husband needs to be reminded that the money he earns wouldn’t have been possible if you weren’t strengthening and supporting him domestically.
They shouldn’t treat you like a stranger or a leeching guest in your own house. Sure they bought the house with their money, but you have continuously secured its well-being.
It’s not just ‘their’ house; it’s yours, too! They shouldn’t neglect what you do for this house.
24. “If I had to choose between married or single life, I would gladly choose the single life, hahaha!”
It’s not a joke! It’s not funny!
You left your home and your life behind for this marriage. You sacrificed so much for this marriage; that’s the least you should expect from a partner.
“It’s a joke, babe! Chill!”
The statement shows how your partner doesn’t acknowledge your effort in the marriage. It shows how he is still not that committed to his married life. It shows that he still dreams about a life without commitment.
It shows that he’s not as serious and sincere about this marriage as you are. A husband who loves you dearly would show you just how blessed he has to have in his life.
25. “You are the reason our children turned out like this.”
Yes, sure! Blame the mother because that’s all you can do! It’s outrageous to put all the blame on the mother when she’s been trying so hard. It’s also disgraceful to not take equal responsibility for your kids in marriage.
26. “Well, my child takes from me. I parent them well.”
When they turn out bad, it’s their mother’s fault. When they turn out, it’s their father’s influence.
Parenting is about ‘we’ and not ‘I.’ You both sacrificed so much to raise your children. It’s inconsiderate to take all the credit for a success that’s as much yours as theirs.
27. “You deserve this, dumb woman.”
“My husband doesn’t protect me. He enjoys punishing me.”
Verbal abuse is a major red flag in a marriage. Husband or not, no one has the right to yell or shout verbal slurs at you.
Call out to them straight and let them know that you don’t take disrespect from anyone. The statement also shows how your partner is insensitive to your pain and agony. If he justifies your suffering because you didn’t choose to listen to him, you should beware of such men!
Your pain may even bring them pleasure.
It’s not late when his verbal abuse becomes something more aggressive and unkind. Don’t forgive them for their behavior until they sincerely apologize to you!
28. “Chill, it’s not a big deal.”
Your concerns and problems aren’t insignificant but screw your husband if he makes you feel that way!
“Don’t cry over little things.”
It might not be a big deal for them, but it is for you. A good husband would comfort you at times of crisis, not dismiss your emotions like they don’t matter.
29. “You are the reason my work failed. You are such bad luck.”
All you have done is support them in their times of crisis, and if this is all you receive in return, they are unworthy of your help and constant support.
Many men would want to put the blame on their wives to escape the miserable emotions failure brings along. You shouldn’t be the punching bag of their troubles. They should be man enough to own their mistakes and failure.
30. “Behave! I don’t want you to embarrass me.”
God! So much from a man who vowed to love you as you are! Nobody should make you feel wrong about your unique personality. It’s not weird; it’s impressive.
If your husband is embarrassed by you, they don’t deserve you, girl.
- You deserve a man who’s proud of you.
- You deserve a man who loves every inch of you and your personality.
- You deserve a man who isn’t afraid to be embarrassed about your antics.
31. I don’t like how you connect with your colleagues. It looks cheap; stay within your limits.
This is a bulky sign of a controlling man! His possessiveness might seem cute initially, but it will destroy your life and friendship! Don’t allow your husband to have such authority over you.
- “My boyfriend tells me to find someone else when mad.”
- “When we fight, he accuses me of flirting with other men.”
- “My husband uses cheap words and verbal slurs when jealous.”
It’s not cheap to have male friends. If they make you feel cheap for having friends, they are shallow with trust issues.
32. “I understand why my family never liked you.”
Your husband knows that this statement will hit you straight in the heart; he uses it intentionally to make you feel bad about yourself.
- “You are not good enough for my family.
- “You are a disappointment.”
- “My mother was right; you are so irritating and undeserving.”
We all want to impress our in-laws and have a good image as their son’s wife. Using his family against you is a great way for such individuals to have the upper hand in the marriage. They want to make you feel bad and unwanted; don’t fall for such tricks.
They should be lucky to have a daughter-in-law like you! However, if they don’t value it, you aren’t obligated to return that value either.
Give what you receive! You don’t have to play nice and rot from within. Be real, be honest, and choose yourself if you have to.
33. “Chill, babe! My friends were just joking. I found it hilarious.”
“My husband says mean things and then says he’s joking.”
Does your husband dismiss your friend’s condescending, insulting, unhumanistic, derogatory, and misogynist comments as a joke?
- “Women should stay in the kitchen.”
- “Women can’t drive! Hahaha.”
- “Women aren’t made for politics, c’mon, you gotta agree with that.”
- “Women should stay at home after having kids. I don’t understand these feminists these days. It’s the truth; a child is a mother’s responsibility.”
- “How can women demand the ‘right to abort’? It’s inhumane!”
Your husband lacks a backbone if he cannot stand up for his wife and women in general. It also shows he might be a misogynist himself.
Nice things to say to your wife
If you are a husband willing to change and make up for your mistakes and words;
- These are (34) things you don’t say to your wife in any circumstances. Always take note of what can hurt your wife unintentionally.
- Acknowledge her effort,
- Make her feel seen, heard, and understood.
- Appreciate and encourage her goals.
- Express love passionately.
“Baby, you are a superwoman. It’s difficult to manage the house, yet you do it so efficiently. I’m stunned.”
“Please let me help you. I want to cook for you.”
“Let me help you with the household chores. I don’t want to tire my queen down.”
“I’m proud of you! You are one unique and amazing lady.
“Let’s grow stronger together. I want to heal you.”
Don’t hurt your wife with words that you will regret later. When angry, leave the room for fresh air. Later, discuss your relationship problems like adults.
“I don’t like my husband as a person! I don’t want to be around my husband, but I don’t want to leave him either!”
Your anger is justified; you shouldn’t take hate from others, and nobody should have the right to throw hate at you, either. If your partner has said things that a husband should never say to his wife— call them out for their behavior.
Give yourself space and time to understand where your husband is coming from and if you are okay with forgiving him. You don’t have to make a decision immediately. Consider their apology and see if they are willing to change.
However, if you are not okay and their words have hurt you immensely— take a break from marriage. You can file a divorce, but don’t make rash decisions. Give it time!