Suspicious if your partner’s cheating on you? This article will help you uncover 3 types of men have affairs and if your spouse/partner is one of them.
Cheating scars one’s heart with doubt, insecurities, jealousy, envy, and mental traumas— these traumas can be so big that it might take multiple therapy sessions to outgrow them and trust someone again.
Unfortunately, cheating is heavily incorporated in relationships, and it’s not new news. People constantly cheat their spouses and partners. The pattern is devious; some cheaters may never feel obligated for the wrongs they do to their partners. All you are left with is unbearable agony, pain, and undying hurt.
“Having an affair” is just a fancier word for cheating in a marriage/relationship. It’s so common to cheat that you may never be able to differentiate a cheater from someone who’s actually genuine.
Men who cheat camouflage quite easily— they pretend to be like any normal boyfriend/husband, so it gets difficult to choose the right person for yourself. If you are constantly worried about dating a cheater or someone with frequent affairs— this article will help you understand cheaters, their mindset, and how to recognize/avoid them in the crowd.
Their behavior may not be transparent, but all cheaters have three distinctive personalities.
In this article, we’ll focus on
- 3 types of men have affairs,
- What’s an affair?
- 7 types of affairs.
- F.A.Q.s on why men cheat
3 types of men have affairs
How to predict if this man you are dating/married to is a cheater with frequent affairs? Research suggests that it comes down to three types of personality styles in men who are most used to cheating their partners.
These personalities are:
- Sex-driven/sexually unsatisfied men
- Men who aren’t over their ex
Many factors can contribute to why men cheat— Their upbringing, perceptions shaped over time, or past experiences.
Upbringing or household environment displayed by parents.
- Men who grow up in a household where cheating is considered normal will follow a similar perception. A young boy would pick matching traits from his parents and continue building that mentality in his system.
- Men who aren’t taught about relationships, loyalty, honesty, and boundaries are more likely to take the road down the hill.
- Young boys who witness toxic masculinity will often transform into something identical growing up. Toxic masculinity preaches sex-driven manhood and a superiority complex over women.
Whatever may be the reason, you shouldn’t be at the losing end of the table. It’s not your job to undo someone’s childhood and traumas. A cheating man would constantly bring pain, instability, distrust, agony, and mental trauma. It’s best to stay clear from such men early on to avoid being hurt at the expense of yourself.
Sex-driven or sexually unsatisfied man
“It’s not considered cheating if I’m simply fulfilling my sexual needs. I still love my girlfriend/boyfriend. I just get down with other people to enjoy sex.”
Is cheating justifiable if he’s sexually deprived in a relationship? Absolutely not. Cheating is about being dishonest with your partner. It’s about lying to your partner when they are constantly trying to make you happy. Instead of cheating, a real man would confront the issues in the relationship.
A real man would try to improve their sexual life with their partner and genuinely show interest in improving the dilemmas that occur in the relationship.
Cheating is definitely not the option.
“We tried improving our sexual compatibility, but it didn’t work.”
In that case, it’s a matter of discussion between couples and what they decide. A relationship devoid of sexual intimacy is bound to end. However, I also know that a relationship devoid of openness is bound to end as well.
So, couples can either choose to stay together while benefiting sexual needs from others or eventually break up. It’s a choice you make together. However, the decision should be open and honest between both parties— it shouldn’t be a product of cheating.
On the other hand, if your man enjoys his sexuality with you and still continues to cheat for physical pleasure, he’s wrong.
“I have needs that cannot be fulfilled by a single woman. There are no emotions attached, be at rest. I love you regardless.”
Sex-driven cheaters will take the defense of the popular blame game. They might never hesitate to call you insecure, jealous, unstable, and possessive when confronted. Such men wouldn’t mind hurting your feelings for their sexual cravings.
Being sexual isn’t bad; however, causing pain because of your sexual drive is definitely a major red flag in men. A sex-driven man would continue to have flings with other individuals and be okay with it. They don’t value what you might go through because of their decisions.
Signs of a cheater who may be having affairs behind your back for sexual intimacy
The worst of all cases is that a man with high libido thinks he’s justifiable in his actions. He often doesn’t consider sex to be the ultimatum for relationships.
He doesn’t consider sleeping with other people to be an unethical deed. He continues to separate emotional attachment from physical connection. Of course, some people might resonate with the thought. However, discussing this perspective aspect with your partner is important.
“Are you okay with my sexual lifestyle and ideologies?” Everything otherwise is just immoral. Hiding and lying about your personality from your partner that may hurt them immensely isn’t a quality of a good man. So, you should know better, don’t fall for their games.
That’s why such individuals are often called ‘players/bad boys’ because they play games, they play with words, and they play with your emotions. They mold the truth according to their needs.
In all honesty, such partners are simply gaslighting you.
That’s one thing common for every type of man who has affairs. They are extra sweet, especially after cheating on you. If you noticed a pattern where your partner has suddenly started to sugar-coat, he might have possibly cheated on you.
This sudden change in their behavior can be a product of guilt or to cover up their cheating escapades.
A man with high libido often makes sex the center of the relationship. His only solution for problems in the relationship would be a passionate night of sexual intimacy.
As stated, being sexually active isn’t bad. Still, if that’s your partner’s only answer for every problem in the relationship, you wouldn’t sail ahead for long. Of course, the relationship is also about having sexual intimacy, but it’s not only about sexual intimacy.
Shows irritability when not provided with sex
They may come across as bipolar. When satisfied with sex, such individuals become the most loving boyfriends/husbands. However, without it, their irritability will grow and cause numerous arguments and ugly fights.
Such individuals would often try to put all the blames on you.
- “I cheated because of you.”
- “We fight because you are non-negotiable.”
- “I’m so tired of your banter. You are making this relationship hard for me.”
Please know that your partner’s cheating episodes aren’t your fault. So, don’t blame yourself. It’s okay to have arguments, fights, disagreements, and disappointments in a relationship. However, there’s a way to sort them out, and cheating is definitely not among them.
Cheating isn’t a solution or rebellion; cheating is simply betrayal. It’s also pretty nasty and an ugly personality trait.
Addicted to indecent/sexual websites
“Addiction is never good.”
Just because someone receives sexual pleasure every day doesn’t mean they aren’t watching sexual videos. A person with high libido constantly seeks sexual intimacy with or without you. Such individuals also have a high urge to experiment with new things, whether you may like it or not. When you resist, they will continue to look for how to satisfy their cravings outside the house.
They don’t pester you for sex anymore
In some cases, a sex-driven mister will completely stop expecting physical pleasure from you. Since you don’t match their libido and sexual expectations, they fulfill it by other means.
You might go days and weeks without intimacy. Of course, sex-driven men wouldn’t say no to an offer, but they wouldn’t initiate anything from their side. You might as well start noticing a lack of physical intimacy in the relationship— passionate kisses, hugs, holding hands, etc.
They spend more hours outside than with you
Have you noticed a pattern where your partner barely stands for an hour with you daily? He doesn’t call much or at all, doesn’t text or reply to you. He’s never available for you.
- “I’m working late at the office today.”
- “I’m going out with friends.”
- “I will be staying with my friends today. Don’t wait up.”
Before you go ahead and conclude that your partner is a cheater, make sure you are right in your decision.
- Are you truly suspicious of his actions?
- Have you really noticed something weird and ugly in his personality?
- Have you caught him lying?
However, if this conclusion results from actual jealousy, envy, and a distrusting personality, please stop.
Their phone is off the limit
Is he being unnecessarily protective of his phone even when you don’t check on him or his phone? Well, he’s definitely hiding something from you. Here’s a situation.
Situation no. 1: I have never checked my boyfriend’s phone, and I never check his messages. He sometimes uses his Instagram on my phone and forgets to log out, and I still don’t check it. I simply have no interest and a lot of trust in him.
However, I do use my boyfriend’s phone often to make calls, send quick texts, use Instagram, and surf through galleries sometimes. He’s fine with it; he doesn’t have anything to hide.
Situation no. 2: You don’t check your boyfriend’s phone either. However, he never lets you have his phone or password, even if you simply want it to make a call or send a text.
Still-Not-Over-His-Ex type of men
Men who might cheat on you for their ex are the scariest out there because it’s not just about sex anymore; there are emotions attached to this type of affair. I have seen multiple relationships fall apart because of individuals’ intense leftover feelings for their exes. I know, it stings!
Stay clear of men who are still not over their ex. Of course, they might say otherwise, but it’s better to not get stuck in the triangle. I have been in a similar situation, and it was unpleasant. Such men are often stuck in the past and may as well compare you to their ex-partner on a daily note. They may even expect you to behave like her/him.
On the outside, they may pretend or verbally abuse their ex-partners for hurting them, but on the inside, they willingly want their ex to be back.
These situations occur when your partner has a history of a serious relationship. It’s difficult to forget a long-term attachment, and chances are that they still might have leftover feelings for their ex. When you are dating a man who recently broke a years-long relationship, you might only be their rebound connection. They may also use you to forget their ex or make them jealous.
Even if your partner is past the previous relationship, a single encounter with their ex can bring back thousands of memories they both shared and reconciliation.
Signs of a cheater who’s still not over his ex
A relationship with a man who’s still not over his ex is bound to be unfulfilling— they would never be completely into you, nor would they let go of their ex. So, you would continue to be in a relationship with divided love, attention, and sincerity.
A man who’s not over his ex would constantly be confused and wouldn’t hesitate to cheat on you to reconcile with his ex-partner. Such affairs can be damaging and may as well break the relationship completely without giving a chance to mend it. Why? Because your boyfriend/husband still loves his ex.
He doesn’t disclose details of his past relationship
Your otherwise talkative partner doesn’t disclose a single detail of his past relationship. He always brushes off the subject with a sigh or a pitiful shrug.
While you know all about his other relationships, he doesn’t open up about this one. It’s so secretive that you still don’t know his ex’s name or why they broke up in the first place. This secrecy leaves one to wonder a lot.
He bad mouths his past ex-partner
“There’s a thin line between hate and love.”
Your partner may be disguising his sorrow and love as anger. Perhaps his anger stems from the fact that his ex-partner left him alone, which hurts him.
Emotions and feelings for exes are often confused— your partner may show anger and hatred towards that person, but the reality might be completely different from what they might be showing.
At the end of the day, they are continuously spending their day talking about their ex and how awful of a person he/she was. Of course, he’s with you physically, but his words tell a different story.
His heart, mind, and soul are still deeply rooted with that one ex if he talks about her/his day and night.
He doesn’t disclose his ex-partner’s name, no matter how much you ask him. In his mind, he wants to limit your connection and acknowledgement with that person.
Perhaps, your boyfriend/husband might still have faith that they would return to them. The little details you know will help him keep the affair a huge secret. For him, it’s a win-win situation.
You notice a similar pattern in his friend’s behavior as well. They would often step back when it comes to your partner’s ex, even when he’s not around. The silence is deafening and quite confusing. Isn’t it unnatural for your boyfriend/husband to deliberately ask his friends to keep the ‘ex-conversation’ off the table?
The relationship isn’t what it used to be
Individuals who seek affairs for physical pleasure will still very much be active in the relationship; the same cannot be said for partners who may be having an emotional affair with their ex.
You find him being aloof, distant, and less touchy. Of course, personal space is one thing, but there’s no romance left in the relationship. He smiles at you and talks normally, but he’s not passionate about you anymore.
He doesn’t organize dates anymore, nor is he willing to hug or kiss. It’s weird to watch him being aloof. However, that’s the basic instinct of a man who has started seeing his ex-partner recently. They are more invested in their ex-partner than you initially.
Their minds are already preoccupied with their ex’s thoughts and the reconciliation blooming in the gutter.
Once they overcome the initial fear and guilt of cheating you, they would get addicted to the feeling of being loved by you and his ex both— So, he wouldn’t let you go completely either. Cheating becomes addictive when individuals don’t get caught.
So, you might see him have mixed emotions.
- Initially, in the affair, your boyfriend would be aloof and guilt-ridden. He might distance himself from you.
- Once he gets used to handling his cheating chronicles, he might return to his normal personality.
- However, he would continue to have mood swings depending on the relationship he shares with his other illicit ex-partner.
In some cases, his feelings for his ex might also result in heartbreak and breakup. It’s better to stay clear from such men.
He’s invested in his phone
Do you find your boyfriend/husband texting more than often, or have you seen him excuse himself over a call that takes hours to end? Someone in an emotional affair will be completely invested in the ex. His need to talk to them and relive the past relationship would be intensified, at least initially.
He regularly meets a friend he cannot name
“Who are you meeting today, baby?”
“Just someone. They are childhood friends, you don’t know them.”
“I’m meeting an old friend today, they are on a city tour.”
Is your boyfriend/husband constantly meeting someone you don’t know about? When asked, does your boyfriend/husband distract you from the subject? It’s a sign that he might be one of the 3 types of men who have affairs.
Dating a narcissist who’s also a cheater
Sometimes, the choices we make are truly bizarre— dating a narcissist and a cheater, at that? It’s bound to get emotionally damaging. Narcissists not only cheat but are also very much unaffected by the hurt they might cause you.
For them, cheating and being loved by so many is rewarding and something they deserve.
Narcissists may initially appear to be the most charming in the crowd of men. It’s because narcissists idealize toxic perfection— they would create the most romantic relationships and even appear to be the most loving boyfriends/husbands. So your relationship may look like a too-good-to-be-true fairytale. However, it’s often short-lived.
Narcissists are self-centered and suffer from N.D.A., Narcissistic personality disorder. They prioritize themselves on a toxic level and disregard others without a problem.
They have a superior complex where everyone is beneath them. Narcissists wouldn’t mind cheating on you, and they wouldn’t regret it, either. For them, everything’s righteous as long as it’s in their favor.
Signs you’re dating a narcissist who’s also a cheater
- Does your boyfriend/husband lack empathy?
- Does he think he’s always right?
- Does he gaslight you?
- Does he boost on your compliments and revolts when you speak something that’s not in his favor?
If yes, you might be dating a narcissistic man.
They absolutely love attention
Such individuals wouldn’t mind having eyes on them. In fact, they might as well openly flirt with their admirers to not lose that attention. They are not above having an affair for attention.
They compare you to others
Narcissists want everything perfect— a perfect life, bedroom, clothes, richness, and even partners. As your boyfriend/husband, they would constantly try to change your appearance and lifestyle to match their perfect illusion.
When they think you aren’t as popular or pretty, they will leave you for someone who better aids their image and superiority.
They are unapologetic
They wouldn’t stop doing things that intentionally hurt you. For narcissists, their priorities, wishes, demands and needs matter first above anything. They wouldn’t keep you as their second priority either.
Do you know what the worst part is? When you confirm that your narcissistic partner is cheating on you, they won’t regret it. They wouldn’t hide it either. For them, it’s justifiable to date multiple people as long as it boosts their image and toxic ego.
Given their charming personality, it’s hard to differentiate whether they are the types of men who have affairs or not. They are sweet, playful, exciting, and fun, but they are also manipulative, self-obsessed, and disrespectful.
They gaslight, judge, and criticize you for things you cannot change. So, carefully look for patterns and save yourself from such a man.
7 types of affairs
Affairs aren’t always a case of black and white. Although highly unethical, some people simply cannot help it, especially when that cheating is associated with intense feelings.
Of course, this isn’t a plea to forgive your partner who might be cheating on you— it is to understand what goes on inside their head when they choose to cheat you.
What is an affair?
Any affair that keeps your partner in the dark is considered cheating, whether you can justify it or not. Lying, being dishonest, and cheating on your partner, knowing that it would hurt them, is unethical in all its sincerity.
In simple terms, an affair is an illicit sexual or emotional relationship that you continue with other people apart from your partner. Although the term ‘affair’ is widely used for married partners, it’s very much applicable to unmarried couples, too. Other terms individuals use for cheating their spouses/partners are:
- Extramarital relationships
These can be further classified into 7 different types of affairs depending on the emotions, boundaries, and situations implied.
Infidelity vs. adultery
There’s a small difference between infidelity and adultery. Where adultery strictly means having a physical (Sexual) relationship with someone other than your spouse (without consent), infidelity can refer to only-sexual relationships, emotional relationships, or a combination of both.
Here are 7 types of affairs to understand and possibly avoid severe heartbreak.
As discussed, emotional affairs go beyond ‘physical/sexual or narcissistic needs.’ These affairs result from strong emotions towards a new or an old person— they can be your partner’s ex, close friend, office colleague, or a complete stranger.
The person who cheats for an emotional affair often thinks that this new individual they have found better understands them and is probably the one for them. They might cheat on you to avoid hurting your feelings or a total breakup.
In some cases, they might love you both. People who pursue emotional affairs are also constantly guilt-ridden and confused about their new-found feelings.
“They don’t want to hurt you, but they also cannot help their intense (probably sincere) feelings at the moment.” Such affairs may also result in breakups. So, stay alert from men who had a fresh breakup. They must overcome their ex to start anything new with you.
Sex affairs solely focus on physical pleasures from other people, and no emotions are attached to this kind of affair. Partners who prefer sexual affairs may also have strings of multiple flings and casual one-night stands to fulfill their sexual needs.
Partners who indulge in sexual affairs easily reason and justify their actions. They wouldn’t want to let you go— so your partner will continue brainwashing and gaslighting you. According to them, a sex affair shouldn’t be considered cheating, irrespective of what you may think or feel.
It’s better to let go of such men if you cannot accept their ideologies on consensual adultery. Even if you do forgive them, it’s not uncommon for them to cheat on you again.
These are similar to emotional affairs but with less sincerity and no strong grounds. Individuals who indulge in romantic affairs are men with notorious hearts. They fall in love repeatedly and fall out of it soon enough.
Such men continue to find their ‘true love’ or ‘their forever one’ every single month, sometimes even within weeks. It’s best to avoid men who are into romantic affairs because they lack stability and commitment. Men with romantic affairs idealize commitment but often fail to adhere to it.
They might genuinely love but are too immature for a serious, committed relationship.
Revenge affairs are immature and toxic because they aren’t based on love or sex. Instead, these affairs have an intent to hurt their partners. Such individuals wouldn’t mind choosing just anyone in the crowd to hurt you; they simply want to reciprocate the hurt/anger (with doubled intensity) you may have bought them unintentionally.
It’s not wise to take such affairs lightly. At the end of the day, cheating is still cheating and with a desire to intentionally hurt you. Remember, couples and true love wouldn’t ever want to hurt you, at least not intentionally. You are dating a man with a narcissistic personality whose actions will always be covered in jealousy, envy, and possessiveness.
Accidental one-night stands— why do guys cheat even if they love you?
Remember the classic ‘Ross and Rachel’ break from F.R.I.E.N.D.S.? That’s one of the most popular examples of accidental one-night stands. Although accidental, it still hurts the person who gets cheated on. Those unaware of the 90s popular rom-com series — let me break it to you.
Accidental one-night stands happen in the fury or heat of the hour. You may have heard,
“Baby, I was influenced and drunk. I had a lot of alcohol in my system to make stable choices.”
Would you forgive them? Well, a mistake is still a mistake. It’s better to accept that mistake than to make excuses for them. If your partner relies on excuses, you should know better.
Rachel eventually broke up with Ross. To be very honest, that was the right decision. Before you make a choice, allow yourself the time and space to evaluate your situation. It would be simply dumb to forgive your partner just because they pleaded.
An intentional breakup for easy exit
Some individuals intentionally cheat on you to get caught. For them, it’s an easier exit from the relationship. They are cowards with no courage to break up with you upfront. So they find other ways to make you break up with them instead.
You must have heard of sugar mommies, right? Well, sugar mommies are just as popular in extramarital affairs as sugar daddies. Like sugar daddies, sugar mommies also provide monetary benefits to their younger partners in exchange for physical intimacy or a casual relationship.
Many married/unmarried young men who struggle financially may get into a financial affair with a rich woman for a give-and-take relationship— benefiting each other.
F.A.Q.s on having an affair
We are human, ready to make mistakes each day. While it may seem grand on paper, affairs are very common in real life. Most of the partners will forgive their spouse/boyfriend eventually. Here are some F.A.Q.s to enlighten a cheater’s point of view.
Why do men have affairs?
Not every man will have the same reason. Some reasons may sound valid and genuine, but others may not. Most of the time, men cheat because of their carnal instinct.
- The heat of the moment.
- Sexual attraction
- Unhappy in the current relationship/marriage
- Bored from the current relationship
- Believes polygamy.
- Emotional or sexual dissatisfaction in the current relationship
Beware of men who preach toxic manhood and masculinity. For them, their body count is something to be proud of— they would simply cheat you for popularity among their dumb peers.
Can extramarital affairs be true love?
Yes, love blooms in the weirdest places and sometimes at very bad timing. Extramarital affairs are wrong for multiple reasons, but we cannot negate the fact that it may blossom love.
Not every marriage is a success; some simply want to escape it. When given a second chance at love, people don’t want to let it go.
Do people regret having affairs?
Yes, people who have affairs aren’t immune to the emotion called regret. We are all humans in the end. Some regret hurting their partners, and others regret using cheating as a medium to end the relationship. Regret and guilt always surround them with or without being caught.
However, that might not be the case with a narcissistic partner.
Why do men cheat?
They cheat instead of breaking up to avoid complications. Not many men are brave enough to face the reality of facts.
Some individuals may love both their partners equally because they believe in polyamorous relationships. They will still cheat you because you might not be into that philosophy.
Why do married men cheat?
Marriages are complex, and divorce is not always an option for many people. Marriages involve more than just two people— you connect two families, children, finances, limited personal space, and a life-long commitment.
Sometimes, it gets too much to take and breathe. Many married men cheat for a short escape, to relive youth, or to simply experience love again. Love changes in marriage. There are too many responsibilities, and it gets difficult.
Why do guys cheat?
Unmarried guys have their own reasons, whether justifiable or not.
- Fear of Commitment
- Distance between partners
- Stuck in a past relationship
- Have an unrealistic view of relationships and have fairytale expectations.
Who cheats more— men or women?
There’s not enough data to conclude this question. People who want to cheat would cheat irrespective of the date.
What percentage of men cheat?
According to a research done on extramarital sex, percentage of men who cheat is 21%. Comparatively, the data for women cheating in a relationship is 13%. The research is based on 9 years of data.
Another American research (concluded by relationship therapists suggests that almost 25% of men and 15% of women agreed to having an affair in the relationship.
You have to decide for yourself whether to forgive your cheating partner and end the toxic relationship or not. Of course, it’s a major red flag, but it’s different when such situations hit home. So, think carefully and don’t allow them to gaslight you. Have your own space to better understand your decision without being influenced by their words.
Also remember, not all men cheat! So, don’t lose hope in finding the love of your life.
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