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110 Funny Things to Say to a Narcissist! (Witty Comebacks & Quotes)

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Dealing with a narcissist can be a real nuisance! Even when you try with a sane mind, you can’t have a casual conversation with them. It’s because they are such self-proclaimed experts on everything that talking to them can feel like a one-person show, where you’re just an extra!

But what if you had some really funny things to say to a narcissist and make them shut their rude mouth?

Well, we’re here today just for that. If you’re wondering “How to insult a narcissist?” with witty narc jokes, this article is for you!

So pull out your notes, and get ready to pen down some of the most funny things to say to a narcissist and piss them off.

Funny things to say to a narcissist

110 Funny Things to say to a Narcissist and Piss them off.

Before we begin, it is necessary for you to know what does it mean to be a narcissist. We don’t want you throwing these narcissist jokes on normal people, and hurt their feelings!

However, if it’s a narc, hurt their feelings a million times, and we won’t stop you!

What does a narcissist mean?

To put it into simple words, being a narcissist means you’re really, really into yourself. You put yourself so high above everyone else that it looks like you’re having an extreme self-love affair going on all the damn time.

Narcissists often think they’re the best at everything, and they need a lot of attention and praise from others to keep their self-esteem high. They may even believe they’re more important than anyone else in the entire universe.

In a nutshell, being a narcissist means being super self-centered and always putting yourself first, sometimes to an extreme and annoying degree. It’s like being in a “me, myself, and I” club 24/7.

This is why, having this list of 110 funny things to say to a narcissist is important. You don’t know when you might come across one, and need a special burning comeback!

Related Article: Why an addict can’t love you? 

What to say to a narcissist?

So if you’re cooking funny ways for insulting a narcissist, here are 110 funny things to say to a narcissist, and paint a “!?!” on their head:

1. “Oh, you should write a book: ‘101 Ways to Be Exceptional,’ and don’t forget the ‘Prologue’ where you thank yourself for your genius ideas.

Narcissists often think of themselves as perfect, flawless, and just exceptionally amazing. Using this funny statement may help them realize how they appear to others: as overly confident and self-absorbed egotists!

2. “You’re like a human selfie stick – always finding the perfect angle to admire yourself.”

When a narcissist looks at themself, they can’t stop admiring their qualities. I mean they might not even have any, but according to them, they are full of abilities.

So, this funny statement can point out their over-the-top self-esteem!

Things to say to a narcissist

3. “When they said, ‘It’s not about you,’ you must have misunderstood and thought they said, ‘It’s all about you!'”

When you’re stuck in a conversation where the narcissist just can’t stop talking about themselves, this comeback underlines how ridiculous their behavior is.

4. “I’m surprised the mirror doesn’t applaud every time you look into it.”

When a narcissist starts praising themselves, there’s just no stop to it! They keep going on and on, about how beautiful, intelligent, and amazing they are.

So, in a scenario where the narcissist keeps babbling about their looks and self-admiration, this comeback brings in a sprinkle of humor.

5. “If modesty was a contest, you’d come in second… right after yourself.”

It’s a basic trait of a narc to lack humility. They sincerely believe, that in a race of 5 people, they’ll win all positions!

So, this statement can be used to poke fun at their self-importance.

6. “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong, and we can’t have that!”

In a situation where the narcissist is asserting their rightfulness on every single thing you talk about (even when they are wrong), use this funny comeback.

It will playfully challenge their know-it-all attitude!

Related Article: Mindset of a Cheating Man! 

7. “Oh, I see you’re redecorating the world with mirrors.”

A narc is so self-absorbed that when they look somewhere, they wanna see themselves. When they hear something, they wanna listen to their name. When they sense something, they wanna feel their “extraordinary” aura.

This is a great punchline to attack a narc with some humor!

8. “Your ego called, it wants a day off.”

If a person keeps being an egotist all day long, every single day, this funny comeback is a must! Of course, their ego needs a day off after all that hard work of looking down at people!

9. “You’re so self-centered, the Earth must orbit around your ego.”

Drop this roast when someone pretends like everything in the universe is about them, including planet Earth!

It’s a funny way to make them realize they’re being overly self-focused without getting too serious.

10. “You’re a one-person fan club, and the only member.”

Bust out this zinger when you’re dealing with a narcissist who thinks of the universe as their fan club! But when in reality, they are the only member of their one-person fan club!

11. “You must be a professional at ‘self’-promotion.”

One thing that is way too annoying about narcissists is that they keep on self-promoting themselves everywhere they go!

Use this as a lighthearted way to point out their self-centered behavior.

Jokes about narcissism

12. “I didn’t realize I needed a microscope to see your accomplishments.”

The only person who thinks they have achieved a lot in life (even when they have achieved a little) are narcissists. They do just one good thing, and then go on praising it for years to come!

This line will playfully make them realize they are not all that they think they are!

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13. “You must be a parking ticket because you have ‘fine’ written all over you.”

Here’s another witty comeback for a narcissist, and they might not even get it. Rather, they will think you genuinely complimented them. So, you can go ahead and hide some chuckles!

14. “Did you hear the rumor? Narcissus called, he wants his reflection back.”

If you’re looking for funny comebacks to say, this quip cleverly connects the narcissist to the Greek myth of Narcissus, who fell in love with his own reflection!

It humorously suggests that they are so self-obsessed (more than the Greek himself) that Narcissus thinks they stole his reflection, and wants it back.

15. “You’re like a smartphone on ‘selfie’ mode all the time.”

This fun one-liner is just perfect when you’re dealing with a person who can’t stop taking selfies, checking themself out, or talking about themselves!

16. “I’ve met self-driving cars with more self-awareness than you.”

The only thing a narc is aware of is their awesomeness. They don’t care about what makes them awesome, they just strongly believe they are!

This funny comeback compares them to electric cars that seem to be doing more self-improvement than a narcissist does.

17. “Do you know the meaning of ‘humble’? Actually, don’t answer that.”

By asking a narcissist if they know what it means to be ‘humble,’ but immediately suggesting they shouldn’t answer it, you’re highlighting their lack of humility in a cheezy way!

It’s a way of pulling them into a serious debate but leaving right away, often making people around you giggle.

18. “You have a face for radio and a voice for print.”

Both things are ineligible for publicity stunts, lol.

19. I know you will go really far in life, and I hope you stay there!

If you want to acknowledge a narc’s abilities and also keep your distance, this narcissistic funny comeback is perfect!

It starts with a positive note, realizing their potential for success in life. However, the witty twist comes when you express the hope that they “stay there” where they reach.

Funny quotes about narcissism

20. “I’ve heard of ‘me time,’ but you’ve turned it into a full-time job.”

How infuriating it is when you’re stuck in a conversation with someone who is an egomaniacal?

Let your disgust call out their self-centered behavior with this witty narcissist insult.

21. “You’re so generous; you give yourself all the credit!”

This clever remark will have the narcissist think— Am I generous or selfish? I mean, they are really selfish, so why not let them know?

This line is perfect if a person keeps on snatching other people’s credit and tries to be the star of every show.

23. “If self-obsession were a currency, you’d be a billionaire!”

This line is a friendly way to highlight just how focused this person is on themselves. It’s like saying, “You’ve got so much self-love, you’d be rolling in it if it were a form of wealth!”

24. “If I had a dollar for every time you talked about yourself, I’d retire by now.”

If you’re talking with a conversation monopolizer, this line makes one of the best jokes about narcissism!

You see, all narcs love talking about themselves. Use this comeback when you aren’t getting a chance to talk back; it would put a lock on their lips.

25. “You’re like a human echo – everything you say bounces back to you.”

This zinger will knock a narcissist off the mountains, where they keep shouting their praises. They may try to laugh it out, but it clearly screams the message that you are no longer interested in hearing about their life!

Related Article: Things your partner should never say to you! 

26. “I’m surprised you haven’t copyrighted the word ‘Me’ yet.”

Have you ever met someone who is so into themselves, that it feels like they can own copyright for the word ‘Me’?

This funny narcissist line points out a narc’s self-centeredness by suggesting they should have owned that word by now! It’s a playful way to call out their habit of making everything about themselves.

27. “You should trademark your name; I bet even dictionaries would want to add ‘Narcissist’ as a synonym to it”

This narcissist funny comeback is perfect when you’re engaging with a person who is so self-centered that the word “narcissist” can be used as a synonym for their name!

28. “Are you a magician? Because every time you start talking about yourself, everyone disappears.”

Every narcissist thinks that people are dying to listen to their self-promotion, but in reality, everyone just wants to avoid it and run away!

Use this line when you’re trying to prove the point that literally not a single fly is interested in their self-love drama.

29. “Since you’re so perfect, you would make a great candidate for the US president.”

I mean, they already feel so self-sufficient, why not hype them up even more? Maybe they will leave you alone and start preparing for the elections.

30. “No sponge in the world can beat you at self-absorption abilities.”

Just like the word narcissist, even “sponge” can be a synonym for their name. It’s because they are entirely self-absorbed!

Use this line when you’re thinking of funny things to say to a narcissist. It’s witty and sarcastic, and yet it hammers home the message like nothing else.

20 Things to Say to a Narcissist

Are you looking for some really good comebacks to say to a narcissist? Well, we have a big list which just doesn’t end here!

Below you will find funny narcissist quotes, toxic comebacks, nicknames for narcissists, and questions to ask a narcissist. So, if you’re looking for a way to get back to a narc who keeps on getting on your nerves, use these 20 things to say to a narcissist:

Funny quotes about narcissism

Let’s start with narcissism quotes funny that you can simply recite in front of a self-centered person, and make them realize their toxicity! 

Here are some quotes to annoy a narcissist:

1.  “One thing a narcissist doesn’t like is to look in a mirror that is in any way genuinely reflective of what’s on the other side of it.” — Jay Parini

2.  “A narcissist’s criticism is their autobiography.” — Maxfield

3.  “How many narcissists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they don’t use lightbulbs, they use gaslighting!”

4.  “Narcissists are just misunderstood – they’re simply appreciating the finest artwork in the world: themselves.”

5.  “It is especially painful when narcissists suffer memory loss because they are losing parts of the person they love most.” — David Brooks

6.  “You can teach a narcissist to show up on time, but you can’t train them to listen once they get there.” — Ramani Durvasula

7.  “If you live your life like everything is about you, you will be left with just that: only you.”

8.  “There is someone out there for everyone. And for you narcissists, there’s a psychiatrist.”

9.  “Arguing with a narcissist is like getting arrested. Everything you say can and will be used against you.”

10.  “Unfortunately, narcissism is not a crime. You’re free to go.”

11.  “How starved you must have been that my heart became a meal for your ego.” — Amanda Torroni

12.  “Narcissist: A polite term for a self-serving, manipulative, evil jerk with no soul or compassion.”

13.  “A narcissistic personality disorder is the only mental condition where the patient is left alone, but everyone else needs treatment.”

14.  “Self-love: Being content with the work-in-progress you are. Not seeking approval from others. Being yourself. Comparing yourself only to who you were in the past, not to others. Not thinking you are better than anyone else.

Narcissism: None of the above.” — Zero Dean

15.  “To be your own god is to be the biggest participant in creating your own hell.” ― Craig D. Lounsbrough

16.  “Trying to win an argument with a narcissist is like trying to empty the ocean with a teaspoon.”

17.  “A narcissist’s favorite subject in school? Themselves.”

18.  “If a narcissist says the sky is blue, you’d better double-check, just to be sure.”

19.  “Being in a relationship with a narcissist is like playing chess with a pigeon – they’ll knock over the pieces, crap on the board, and still claim victory.”

20.  “If a narcissist gives you advice, you should probably do the opposite.”

21.  “Narcissists are like the human version of clickbait – lots of promises, but rarely any substance.”

22.  “When in doubt about dealing with a narcissist, just smile and nod; it saves time and sanity.”

23.  “A narcissist’s idea of teamwork is everyone else working to fulfill their dreams.”

24.  “If a narcissist ever asks for your opinion, remember, it’s just a trap to validate their own.”

25.  “A narcissist’s ideal relationship is with a mirror – the only partner who truly gets them.”

26.  “Trying to outshine a narcissist is like trying to outshine the sun with a flashlight.”

27.  “Narcissists are like GPS devices that only provide directions to their own location.”

28.  “If a narcissist ever apologizes, make a wish – you’ve witnessed a rare celestial event.”

29.  “If narcissists ruled the world, all mirrors would be the size of IMAX screens.”

30.  “The most common three words in a narcissist’s vocabulary? I. Me. Myself.”

31.  “Narcissists have a ‘do-not-disturb’ sign on their empathy – it’s permanently on.”

32.  “You can’t expect a narcissist to remember your birthday; they’re too busy celebrating their own existence.”

33.  “Dealing with a narcissist is like trying to have a deep conversation with a puddle – it’s shallow, and it only reflects what’s on the surface.”

34.  “Narcissists have their own special language – ‘Narcissish,’ where every sentence starts with ‘I’ and ends with ‘me.'”

35.  “A narcissist’s idea of ‘sharing’ is letting you admire their achievements.”

36.  “Narcissists think a group photo is just an opportunity to outshine everyone else.”

37.  “Narcissists have a built-in radar for compliments. Say one nice thing, and they’ll find you, wherever you are.”

38.  “If narcissism were a sport, they’d win gold, silver, and bronze in every category.”

39.  “Narcissists are like human weather reports; they predict that it’ll be all about them with a 100% chance of ego showers.”

40.  “Narcissists are like cats, but instead of knocking things off the table, they knock down your self-esteem.”

These 40 narcissist quotes funny can be your trump cards when you’re dealing with a narcissist! Use them when you’re surrounded by a narc who just won’t stop knocking down your self-esteem with their “magical” self-praise.

Related Article: Is it normal for my boyfriend to hit me?

Toxic Comebacks for Narcs

When swimming in a narcissistic territory, water often gets over your head. In a situation like this, you can’t just keep your cool and stay humble.

Sometimes, you need to give a narc a taste of their own medicine. So, here are some toxic comebacks for you:

1.  “If I wanted to hear your opinion, I’d have asked for it.”

2.  “Oh, please continue. I always yawn when I’m interested.”

3.  “You’re not difficult to understand; you’re impossible to comprehend.”

4.  “You’re right; you’re the best at everything you’ve ever done, except maybe for one thing – modesty.”

5.  “Is it lonely up there on your pedestal?”

6.  “I’m impressed. You’ve managed to turn even the most mundane topic into a conversation about you.”

7.  “You’re like a dictionary: you add meaning to every conversation.”

8.  “Congratulations, you’ve just set a world record for ‘Most Talked About Myself in a Minute.'”

9.  “You have a talent for self-promotion that rivals even the most creative ad agencies.”

10.  “I used to be a narcissist, but then I met you, and I realized there’s always room for improvement.”

11.  “You’re like the sun – I can’t stare at you for too long without hurting my eyes.”

12.  “Your level of self-obsession is like a black hole – nothing escapes it.”

13.  “I’d love to see the world through your eyes, but I don’t have a microscope handy.”

14.  “Is there a support group for people addicted to talking about themselves? You should lead it.”

15.  “I’ve heard of ‘keeping up with the Kardashians,’ but you seem more like the entire Kardashian family.”

16.  “I think your mirror must be really proud to see you every day.”

17.  “I’d love to hear more about your accomplishments, but I’m due for a power nap.”

18.  “I don’t need a telescope to see your ego from here.”

19.  “Your life is like an art gallery, but every painting is a self-portrait.”

20.  “I’d love to offer you a piece of my mind, but I’m afraid you’d just see it as another gift.”

Related Article: 16 Psychological tricks that will make him miss you!

Nicknames for Narcissists

What’s better than a comeback for narcissist? A nickname.

If you wish to insult one without having to get involved too much, these nicknames for narcissists are all you need.

  • Egoist
  • Self-Centered
  • Me-Me-Me
  • Self-Obsessed
  • I-Man
  • Mirror Lover
  • Selfie King/Queen
  • Narcissus
  • Self-Absorbed
  • Me-Galomania
  • Me-Monster
  • Ego Queen/King
  • Vanity Viper
  • I-Centric
  • Self-Idol
  • Egotist
  • I-Me-Myself
  • Self-Promoter
  • Ego-Driven
  • Self-Glorifier

Questions to ask a Narcissist

Since you’re down here, I reckon you are looking for some more things to say to a narcissist! After all the funny narcissist humor, there’s still a category of things left — Questions to ask a narcissist.

While quotes and funny comebacks will do the job, if you want to leave a narcissist speechless, ask them these witty questions:

Q1. “Do you ever get tired of being the most interesting person in the room?”

Q2. “How do you manage to carry around that massive ego of yours? Do you lift weights?”

Q3. “If you were a superhero, what would your superpower be? I am guessing.. ‘Infinite Self-Love’?”

Q4. “Have you considered starring in your own reality show? I hear ‘Keeping Up with the Narcissists’ could be a hit.”

Q5. “Can you explain how it feels to be the center of the universe? It must be quite a view.”

Q6. “If life had an award for ‘Biggest Egotist,’ do you think you’d win it?”

Q7. “Have you ever written an autobiography yet, or are you waiting for the Nobel Prize in Narcissism first?”

Q8. “If you could clone one person in the world, would it be you?”

Q9. “How many mirrors do you have at home? I bet they’re all your biggest fans.”

Q10. “If you could have a conversation with any historical figure, who do you think would be most interested in your life story?”

Q11. “Have you ever considered offering self-worship lessons? You’d have a waiting list for sure.”

Q12. “If a movie were made about your life, would it be a documentary or a comedy?”

Q13. “Do you believe in ‘Meant to be’ or ‘Meant to be about Me’?”

Q14. “In your opinion, what’s the meaning of life, and how does it relate to you?”

Q15. “What’s your personal motto, ‘If you want something done right, do it yourself…and then tell everyone about it’?”

Q16. “If you were an emoji, would you be the one with the heart eyes or the one blowing a kiss to a mirror?”

Q17. “Do you find it challenging to manage the fan mail from all the mirrors you’ve impressed?”

Q18. “What’s your favorite style of art, apart from self-portraits, of course?”

Q19. “Do you believe in astrology? Are there zodiac signs that are just more compatible with you?”

Q20. “If you could have a conversation with any famous narcissist from history, who would it be, and what would you talk about?”

Related Article: 20 Questions to ask yourself when you decide to marry her or him! 

How to take control away from a narcissist?

A person with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) might come across as really full of themselves, better than everyone around, self-centered, and unapologetic for their rude behavior.

They are highly sensitive to any kind of criticism and perceive it as a threat to their self-image. They think of themselves as the ultimate human and can go to lengths to protect that image.

Narcissists usually take the offense when communicating with someone, showing all their toxic traits in one go! But if you try to criticize or challenge their dominance, you will trigger a defensive response!

In return, they play mind games, try to manipulate you, or even hurt your feelings. Moreover, they try to take control over you. This can be really frustrating and tough to deal with.

So, if you’re wondering how to take control away from a narcissist, we’ve got some practical tips and ideas to help you handle these situations:

1. Separate yourself from the person

It’s of utmost importance to steer clear of people who treat you badly or make you feel miserable!

“Narcissistic supply” is a term used in psychology to describe what narcissists crave all the time – it’s like their emotional food. They find this supply in various ways, such as boasting about themselves, not respecting your boundaries, or being overly negative.

To stop them from getting this supply from you, you can do the following:

a.  Take time for yourself: Make sure you have plenty of “me-time” instead of always being available to a narcissistic partner.

b.  Block communication: If you have a narcissistic contact, you can block their phone number to limit their negative influence.

2. Remain calm and unaffected

Communicating with a narcissist can affect you badly and their toxicity can burn you from inside!

To prevent making things worse, it’s often a good idea to not react strongly when dealing with a narcissist. A popular approach for handling them is known as the “Grey Rock Method,” where you essentially become as uninteresting as a plain grey rock.

Here’s how you can use this method in your daily life:

a.  Shorten conversations: If you’re talking to a narcissist and things start getting difficult, politely cut the conversation short and excuse yourself to focus on something else.

b.  No reaction: When your narcissist tries to get a rise out of you, don’t give them the satisfaction of a reaction. Stay calm and composed.

c.  Stay on topic: If you’re conversing with a manipulative narcissist, try to stick to the topic at hand and avoid getting pulled into their emotional games. This can help keep things more manageable.

3. Lean on your close ones to differentiate manipulation and reality

Narcissists can sometimes try to gaslight you, which means making you doubt your own reality or feelings!
If this happens, it’s essential to stay connected with your friends and loved ones for support. Share with them what the narcissist has said to you, and let your well-wishers confirm and validate your experiences.

For example, you could say:

  “Jacob said some really hurtful things to me last night, but then he told me I was ‘too sensitive’ when I confronted him about it. Do you think I was overreacting, or was he in the wrong?”

 – “I had a conversation with Millie about something I found out, and she insisted I was just imagining things. Do you think that’s true, or is she trying to make me doubt myself?”

Getting feedback from those you trust can help you maintain a clear perspective and not fall victim to gaslighting.

Related Article: 3 types of men have affairs

Bottom Line

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a serious mental health condition that can make it tough to have healthy relationships.

Dealing with someone with NPD can be a real challenge, but there are ways to outsmart a narc like these 110 funny things to say to a narcissist. These witty comebacks and funny lines will help you blow a narcissist’s mind and give you control of the situation.

But remember, it’s important to know when you need professional help and when it’s time to step away from the relationship for your own well-being.

Your mental and emotional health should always come first!


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