My Wife Yells At Me- 24 Best Ways To React
Yelling at every occasion or without an occasion isn’t normal; it’s stressful and very emotionally abusive for you and your loving wife. So, if you have found yourself constantly wondering or pleading;
- “Why my wife yells at me so much?”
- “Please, stop yelling!”
- “My wife’s yelling at me, I don’t know what to do!”
- “My wife yelled at me and I felt so helpless.”
It’s necessary to look into the issue before these ‘abusive yelling sessions’ become an engraved danger to your married life. Men often feel helpless because society doesn’t consider ‘domestic abuse on man’ a big issue.
- “Be a man, what are you crying about!”
- “I mean, it’s just your wife.”
- “Yes, so? Even if she raises her hand at you, it wouldn’t hurt you.”
This situation can burden you with confusion and questions.
- “What to do if my wife yells at me?”
- “Why does my wife yell at me”
- “What if my wife yells at me again?”
- “My wife is yelling at me constantly! It’s becoming unbearable”
- “Is it normal for my wife to yell at me?’
- “My wife shouts at me non-stop, I don’t know how to handle her anger anymore.”
- “Why is my wife yelling at me? Does she not love me anymore?”
No, don’t jump to conclusions, and try to refrain from shouting back. Oftentimes, we want to scream back to prove our point or simply shut the other person down. Unfortunately, yelling back doesn’t solve issues; it further ignites them.
It doesn’t mean you sit back and accept the verbal abuse. Instead, you approach the issue internally and externally with patience and calm. In this article,
- we’ll understand the reason behind your wife’s constant yelling.
- How to react when your wife loses her patience.
- How to solve the issue more responsibly.
If your wife’s constant yelling & screaming has pushed you to search ‘how to react when my wife yells,’ I believe their behavior has become concerning.
- It’s disturbing the love you share.
- It’s creating distance between the two of you.
- It’s affecting your and your partner’s mental health.
- It’s disturbing your inner peace.
You want this to stop, and this article will help you. Here are 20+ ways to react when your wife yells at you!
Is it okay to yell in a relationship?
Yes and no!
No matter how much you love your spouse, there will be moments of anger, frustration, and resentment. These instances might lead you and your partner towards verbal dispute and aggression.
Having disagreements and arguments is a normal part of married life. It’s natural to have conflicting or different opinions from your partner.
Unfortunately, disputes in marriages do lead to sudden anger outbursts, screaming, and yelling. It can be one-sided, or it can be from both sides.
Yelling is present in almost all relationships, but a healthy couple would know when they have crossed a line and when they should apologize for their behavior.
Even if you want to point out something hurtful, yelling in anger isn’t the way to go about it. Yelling makes things more complicated, ununderstandable, and painful.
Yelling is an expression— it doesn’t always portray anger; it can also stem from hurt, disappointment, or misunderstanding. If your wife’s yelling at you, she might be trying to express her feelings through it.
‘Yelling in relationships’ indicates that your partner is going through something they cannot articulate in words. ‘Yelling’ is an outburst that signals something is wrong.
So, yelling does benefit the relationship if you are constantly willing to work on improving the marriage. However, whether it is valid or not depends on the reason behind your wife’s outburst. So, try to find the reason behind their constant yelling before you yell back!
My wife yells at me— What to do if my wife is yelling at me regularly?
Arguments and yelling in relationships don’t necessarily mean that the marriage is over for good. Here’s how you can react when your wife yells at you— these methods will,
- Help you repair the issues in the relationship.
- Understand your wife better.
- Communicate your feelings better.
- Stop verbal abuse (intentional or otherwise
1. Try the monk’s way
It’s challenging to remain calm when your wife lashes out at you without knowing why. I still urge you to resist shouting back.
Take a deep breath, take another deep breath, and continue to take deep breaths throughout the argument. It will be a tough nut to crack, but it will work. Practicing ‘deep breathing’ will help you dissolve your burning anger to fight back.
Yelling back at her will fuel the fire; even most minor arguments will take an uglier turn when neither of you tries to calm down.
“What to do when my wife yells at me?” Take a step back and calm your senses. Instead of focusing on reciprocating the ‘blame’ or the ‘hurt,’ refocus on your wife’s emotions and listen to what she says.
Listening will allow you to understand the gravity of her outburst. Even if it doesn’t clarify much, not yelling back will help dissipate the argument faster.
2. Let her know that you are listening
Sometimes, people simply want to be heard. When they feel ignored, they scream loudly for the people to listen.
Let your wife know that you are listening attentively to her concerns and problems. You don’t have to agree with everything she is conveying. Instead, create an aura where she can feel that you are trying to REALLY understand her standpoint.
3. Don’t correct her in between
“Let the anger flow out of her system. It’s damaging her just as equally.” Logic, empathy, and understanding leave the brain when anger takes a stubborn seat.
Interrupting her or talking about logic/understanding when she’s angry would be futile. It might even aggravate the situation. So, don’t interrupt her, even if you are right.
The sooner her anger drains out, the sooner you can have an adult conversation with her. Interrupting between will make her feel that you are not listening or serious about her or her emotions.
4. Don’t apologize or ‘give in’ if you aren’t wrong
We often try to resolve disputes by agreeing or surrendering to the ‘terms and conditions’ led by our spouse, whether we really want to or not. It’s even worse when you have to apologize for the things you haven’t done.
If you are not wrong in this situation, please don’t apologize or give in. Instead, let your wife know that you’d like to talk about it calmly and meet on a similar ground where you both are happy, not forced.
Agreeing or apologizing blindly would backfire sooner or later. You’d be stuck with the terms and conditions that affect your overall peace and mental health. So, don’t promise her things you are not comfortable with.
For instance, if she’s yelling at you because she is insecure about your female friends, you wouldn’t want to agree to all her demands. You might lose friends and fuel her possessive needs, which is unhealthy for both of you.
5. Stop her if you are in the presence of your children
Children mirror their parents— it’s not wise to let your kids hear you bicker, yell, shout, and verbally abuse your partner. They will adopt a similar personality.
Stop your wife immediately if you are in the presence of your children, whether young or not. The desire to express anger isn’t worthy if it has the power to give your child unhealed mental traumas.
6. Give her time to calm down
Don’t try to make up right after the argument.
After listening to your wife, give her the time and space to calm down properly. You don’t want to pull a nerve when she hasn’t calmed down completely. Any suggestion or advice will go straight into the dump if she’s angry or upset.
So, wait until she calms down. Instead of initiating a conversation, ask her if she wants to talk about it. Instead of “let’s talk,” rephrase your words— “Can we talk?” Allow her to be ready instead of forcing her to have a conversation she isn’t sure about.
7. Stop her and leave if it’s disrespectful
“Love shouldn’t make you accept disrespect.” If you think your wife has crossed a line, leave politely. People often ask me, is yelling at someone disrespectful? Yes, yelling is intended to hurt, condescend, demean, and belittle the other person.
Anger gets the best out of a person and it doesn’t take much time for it to turn into an ugly fight with hurtful phrases, abusive language, and chastising blames.
“I love you, but I cannot take this disrespect. Please, call me when you are ready to talk respectfully.” It’s not egoistic to choose your self-respect over the current situation. No, love shouldn’t make you choose between your own dignity!
8. Explore her perspective
“Is it normal for my wife to yell at me?” Depends! If the reason behind her constant yelling is indeed you, her anger is justifiable.
Before being defensive, listen to her perspective and whatever’s bothering her. Is it something about you? If it is, don’t find excuses to hide behind. Instead, listen to what she feels about ‘certain things.’
What may be ‘unproblematic’ for you might be killing her from the inside. As her partner, you should address her concerns more responsibly before dismissing them.
- Her: ‘This job is killing me.
- He: ‘Then, quit.’
- Her: ‘I can’t; it supports us financially.’
- He: Then, don’t quit.
This will go back and forth until one person gets sick of it. You might even say, ‘she’s just a crybaby; she doesn’t want solutions; she just wants to bitch about it.’ It’s insensitive!
Sometimes, people don’t want solutions; sometimes, they want to be empathized with and understood. So, even if her problems seem minimal to you, they are essential to her. So, acknowledge and value her perspective!
This might help you dirt off the things bothering her, and eventually, it will also aid her anger.
9. Apologize if you were in the wrong
There’s no shame in accepting your mistakes. On the brighter side, your heartfelt apology will calm her down. Don’t just apologize with words, ensure that you take actions to correct your behavior.
- Be a better husband.
- Be a better listener.
- Show your love through actions.
- Show your love through understanding.
- Ask her what she wants in this relationship
- What makes her happy?
- What makes her sad?
Don’t wait for your wife to tell you how to be a good husband. Instead, constantly try to be a better husband by taking initiative and communicating.
10. Communicate about your wife’s anger issue
Don’t simply initiate a conversation for an apology from your wife. Communicate to understand your woman and the situation. Communicate to make your wife understand your dilemma calmly.
“Hey, baby… I know it’s a rough time, but you do know you can talk to me about it, right? I’m sorry I made you feel unheard, but I’m here to listen to you now. Tell me everything, and we’ll solve it together.”
Raise your concern about ‘being yelled at’ unapologetically but calmly.
a) Communicate how you feel when your wife yells at you, and be genuine about your emotions.
b) Communicate about your wife’s anger issues and what causes her to react the way she does.
c) Communicate about how your wife feels when she yells at you. Oftentimes, your spouse doesn’t want to yell at you, but it happens in the fury of anger. Their anger may be triggered or unintentional. So, talk about it.
d) Communicate about the better ways of resolving a conflict.
Once you are familiar with each other’s emotions, you can devise better solutions for such situations. Finding boundaries and answers for your arguments will help you and your partner not cross the line.
11. Let your wife know how you feel when she yells
It’s awful! It’s hurtful!
It’s okay to be honest about how you feel, in fact, it’s necessary. Don’t swallow your emotions just to end an argument. It will hurt you and eat you inside out. Sooner or later, these unresolved feelings will turn you into a restful husband. It’s better to communicate about things that hurt you.
Be unapologetically open about your feelings.
- “It gives me anxiety.”
- “It creates a distance between you and me that I don’t like.”
- “It hurts me to watch you yell at me.”
- “It makes me feel that you don’t love me anymore.”
Your wife will realize the aftereffects of her ‘constant yelling,’ and she will try to control her anger. So, it’s necessary for her to know how you feel. If you don’t tell her, she wouldn’t know and will continue to consider her actions normal.
12. Have a “times-up” period
Discuss how you can better control arguments and disputes. I believe it’s better to leave the room for a while and go out than stay in a room full of negative energy and toxicity.
Don’t make this decision alone! If you walk out of an argument without addressing your wife, it will make the situation worse. No, discuss this beforehand and let her know of your idea.
“Instead of yelling at each other, we should make this a rule during arguments— to go outside when things become heated or get out of control.”
13. Create clear boundaries for arguments
“What if my wife yells at me again?”
Simply ending an argument wouldn’t resolve the issues you are facing in your marriage. You must discuss how to handle such arguments when they happen again. Trust me, they will happen again.
a) Decide the threshold of your patience in such a situation. Allow your wife to do the same.
b) Create boundaries for such arguments. For instance, if you don’t like abusive words, let your wife know about it.
If it’s hurting you and the relationship, boundaries are necessary. Anything otherwise will break apart your successful marriage. So, be strict and assertive about things you don’t appreciate and discuss them openly with your spouse.
c) “I will leave the room if you become violently aggressive.”
d) “I would not accept disrespect. The minute you lose your calm and abuse me, I leave the room and take the kids with me.”
e) “Please, don’t take your job frustration out on me. It’s hurtful, and I wouldn’t accept it. You can either control your anger, or I will leave.”
Arguments can take the ugliest route when not monitored. The more you accept disrespect, the more you will encourage your wife’s behavior.
It would be better if you called her out for things you don’t appreciate. Speaking up about things you don’t like will save your boat, bottling your feelings down will rot your marriage slowly and painfully.
14. Don’t create a situation of Ultimatum
- “I will end this marriage if you don’t STOP YELLING!”
- “STOP YELLING, OR I MIGHT DO SOMETHING YOU WILL REGRET.”
Yes, I know you are angry, too. You want to stop the argument and your wife’s constant yelling but giving her ultimatums isn’t the answer.
Ultimatum is a scary conclusion for marriages. You cannot break apart a wedding over a single argument. Marriage is about working, growing, and flourishing together—and giving ultimatums would be the complete opposite of what you want.
15. Dodge yourself from making assumptions
Her anger might not even be projected toward you. It’s natural for you to believe that you are the reason behind their outburst since they are yelling at you non-stop. However, it’s very plausible that her reasons might be entirely different.
It can be your wife’s boss, a friend, family, or financial issues. People often vent their anger on someone else to receive closure which is never right. So, don’t take it personally!
When your wife has calmed down, let her tell you the reason behind her outburst, don’t presume it to be your fault entirely. It can badly hurt your mental health and trigger insecurities.
While at it, don’t hold yourself back from telling her that you don’t appreciate being the punching bag of her life.
16. Don’t travel back to the past
When situations are heated, and you are really angry at your wife— the odds are very high that you may dig into the old grudges of the past. Also, your wife may bring some of the nastiest things from the past to prove or support her point.
It’s difficult for individuals to accept their mistakes. So they often use the old history of their spouse’s mistakes against them to have the upper hand in the arguments.
Don’t do it, and don’t allow your wife to go there, either. Don’t drag this argument into the past or into the future, as a matter of fact. Accept this fight in the present and resolve this fight in the present. The more you try to drag, the more issues it will create.
Let her calm down a bit and tell her politely not to bring the past arguments into the present. Instead of dwelling on the past arguments and fusses, emphasize the present and create a beautiful future.
Not allowing disputes to become a permanent part of your relationship will help you move forward into a healthier marriage. Don’t let arguments sabotage your marriage; instead, learn to discuss, understand, evolve, and move on from arguments.
17. Show her love, respect, and understanding
We unintentionally expect so much from our spouses— when these needs are unmet, we get upset.
It’s natural to have expectations from your partner, but it’s necessary to communicate these needs. Your wife might be angry at you because she is disappointed by her expectations of you.
Instead of freaking out, let your wife open up about her needs in the relationship. Simultaneously, don’t hide your needs and expectations in the relationship either. Of course, you cannot fulfill every need of your partner. Still, you can try to gradually become a more loving, caring, and understanding spouse. It’s doable.
18. Don’t let your negative emotions overpower you
“My wife’s mean to me when she’s angry.” It’s easier to hate someone, especially when they are being mean or hurtful to you. Stomping your emotions will give birth to resentment and hatred. When your wife is being mean to you, remember these two things:
a) She probably doesn’t mean what she is saying. She simply wants to vent her anger.
b) Once she has calmed down, let your wife know that her anger hurts you and you cannot take it anymore!
I have witnessed and seen a lot of couples regretting their outburst. Our anger gets the best of us, making us speak of things we would never want to say. Our anger hurts the person we love the most; it’s as upsetting for you as it is for them. So, hold your tongue from hurting your partner.
Similarly, your wife’s verbal abuse may not be legitimate or sincere, just an outcome of her anger. Don’t take it to heart, and don’t allow words to get to you. She may be upset at the moment, but she will regret it later immensely.
19. Tell her that “yelling” isn’t acceptable
This particular suggestion might not be helpful in the middle of the argument; it might even backfire. So, wait for the right time! Yelling and screaming shouldn’t be accepted. It shouldn’t be accepted from your or your wife’s side.
20. Don’t be tempted to “WIN” the arguments
Keep your ego aside for a moment. Relationships/marriages aren’t a competition— so don’t ponder on the ‘who’s right/wrong or ‘who’s more factually correct.’ No, we are humans, and we are flawed; it’s alright.
“You are not better; I’m not worse.”
Marriages are about accepting your partner as a whole and gradually becoming better together. Instead of pointing out your partner’s mistakes for a win, take a step back and try to understand their argument or emotions.
Your screaming wife might be wrong for all we know, but your first instinct should be to calm her instead of crushing her down by being correct. It doesn’t imply that you shouldn’t put forth your opinion. You should! However, not to win the argument, but to make your partner understand you.
21. Avoid entertaining blame games
It’s so easy to simply blame. It’s easier to blame when you are not in the wrong. I know, it’s tempting! However, proving yourself right doesn’t heal the gap or conceal the marriage! Nuh-uh!
Blaming can go on and about for years. You both would have something against each other— blame cards that will help you win over the arguments and shut your partner down for good.
However, how would it benefit the marriage, you, or your partner? It wouldn’t! So, avoid the blame game. Take responsibility for your actions (if any) and make your partner understand your point of view calmly.
Highlight the major issues in your relationship and try to resolve them together.
22. Avoid pointing fingers. Switch your ‘you’ with ‘I’
a) “You never listen to me!”
Instead, “I want to say something to you.”
b) “You are so awful.”
Instead, “It makes me sad when you yell.”
c) “You are the reason this relationship is dead.”
Instead, “I think we should work on the relationship and allow ourselves the time to evolve.”
Avoid using ‘You’ in your sentences and switch it with ‘I’ to explain what you feel right now and what you want to clarify. ‘You’ is often associated with blaming, which can further aggravate your partner. Using ‘I’ in the sentence is more personal and less condescending.
23. Don’t compromise with apologies
If you really were to be blamed for your wife’s outburst, own it! Listen to her, apologize, and make changes.
For instance, are you a careless husband? Do you forget wet towels on the bed or drop t-shirts wherever you deem fit?
Well, it might not be a big deal for you, but it’s definitely a big deal for the woman who constantly devotes hours to keeping the house neat and clean. It’s tiring, and sometimes, your small actions may make her burst out in anger!
So, if you find yourself guilty, don’t hesitate to apologize. This will signal that you are taking responsibility for your actions and not making excuses.
24. Seek couple therapy or professional help
Encourage your partner to seek help if their anger is hurting them immensely. It’s not healthy to yell and scream every day. Your wife may be going through unhealed traumas that need to be addressed immediately.
Convince her to opt for professional help or anger management classes. Don’t try to offend her while suggesting medical help. Instead, be encouraging and optimistic about the whole idea.
You can also opt for couple therapy. Your counselor will help you channel the root cause of your problem. They will provide you with a detailed roadmap and exercises to resolve those conflicts.
Why my wife yells at me— 4 reasons why she might be angry!
Did you forget your wedding anniversary? Well, sell your soul to the devil because your wife will be one furious woman, just kidding.
However, if you have been the most loving husband and your wife’s anger doesn’t make sense, sit back and recall your interaction with her.
The reason behind her anger might not be you at all— it can be her family, her job, her business, money, friends, etc. So, try to map out what might be the triggering factor behind their actions.
(Please note: It’s never okay for individuals to vent their anger on someone else. If you aren’t the reason behind your wife’s anger, ensure that you let her know this behavior is wrong. You don’t have to do it right after she yells; it will further aggravate the situation. Instead, talk to her when she calms down.)
Men can be very clueless when it comes to understanding women. Here are some valid points to consider when looking for the answer to this question “Why is my yelling at me? Did I do something wrong?
They are burned out
a) Is your wife working multiple hours in the office, and the workload is exhausting?
b) Is she constantly juggling between maintaining the household, caring for the babies/toddlers, and her job?
c) Is she emotionally exhausted? We often focus on the physical health of an individual and completely disregard the mental traumas. There can be ‘n’ number of reasons why your wife’s emotionally exhausted. (Financial stress, grieving the loss of someone significant, mentally disturbing office environment, fighting with a friend/in-laws/family, etc.)
If you think her anger stems from being burned out, you may want to support her physically, emotionally, and mentally. When she has calmed down— let her speak about her emotions and what’s bothering her. Provide her a shoulder to cry on and be the pillar for her strength.
Here’s what you can do to help her if she’s burned out.
a) Split responsibility, especially if she is a mother. Get a nanny; your wife shouldn’t go through everything alone!
b) Split chores or take them over when you think she’s too tired to work. Get a maid if you are equally burned out at the job.
c)Massage her scalp to relax her tired body. It’s even better to book her a ‘spa’ or ‘couple massage session.’
d) If she’s mentally exhausted, be there to listen to her and empathize with her; it’s alright if you don’t have an instant solution to her problems. Sometimes, being heard is all a person wants.
She feels unheard
Relationships are all about communication. You cannot understand your partner and their needs unless you ask them. So even if you believe you are ‘the best husband of the decade,’ take a chance to ask your wife about this.
- Do you communicate often enough?
- Do you take an interest in knowing your wife? Do you engage in being curious about her emotions?
- Do you cut her off when she’s speaking?
- Have you neglected her?
- Have you told her to ‘stop fussing over little things?’
- Do you not prioritize her when she’s sad?
- Do you simply advise her to’ move on’ without hearing her problems?
Sometimes, this behavior may not be intentional, but it can still hurt your partner. If you think you have been avoiding or neglecting your wife’s emotions— take time out and listen to her.
Yelling is her defense mechanism
Sometimes, the reason might not be you at all. ‘Yelling’ might be a defense mechanism your wife picked because of her unresponsive or unattentive childhood. It can also be a reflex response she developed from her previous relationships.
This behavior is toxic, and it’s also difficult to undo, especially if your wife is unaware of her habits. Encourage her to opt for professional help to address and heal the underlying cause of her anger issues.
She feels unattractive
We have all been through this particular sentiment. There are times in our lives when it’s challenging to love ourselves. Your wife may be going through a ‘beauty crisis.’
- It’s common for women dealing with post-pregnancy changes.
- She has gained weight
- She has lost weight.
- She has an acne outburst.
- Somebody made her feel ugly.
This outlook on beauty may make her feel that you might not be into her anymore.
- She may think you have lost interest in her.
- Or, you can find someone prettier now that she thinks she is not pretty anymore.
- She is jealous of your pretty friend.
At times like these, ensure that you make your wife feel loved. We know you love her, but you should be constantly vocal about your feelings. Take actions to make her feel pretty, unique, and powerful. Also, encourage her to practice self-love and self-care.
Is yelling in a relationship abuse?
When someone yells at you, it’s usually because they’re angry with you. They are not trying to be mean or hurtful; they are simply trying to release their emotions. However, if ‘yelling at you’ has become a sadist habit of your partner, you might want to reconsider your marriage.
It can be threatening to remain silent in a verbally abusive relationship. Is your relationship becoming abusive? Here’s what you must know:
a) Fear of being yelled at: You constantly walk on eggshell and are scared of your wife and what might trigger her. So, you continue to agree with her just to avoid ‘the ear-numbing screeching.’
b) Your wife’s anger makes her physically abusive: Physical abuse is never acceptable. If your wife uses physical force to shut you down, your relationship might turn toxic sooner or later.
c) She yells at you for no reason. She controls and emotionally manipulates you to get what she wants from you—and it’s not healthy for anyone involved!
d) You are traumatized by yelling.
It’s important to remember that abuse starts at a very small scale. It’s not always obvious that someone is being abusive until the situation gets bigger and unavoidable. So, be vocal about your situation every time!
Conflicts can leave us confused. We may blame ourselves for our partner’s actions and beat ourselves down over it. Don’t do it! Here are some FAQs to let you know that your emotions aren’t wrong or exaggerated; they are valid!
Why am I so sensitive when someone yells at me?
“Men are expected to stay strong and emotionless.” It’s as ridiculous as it sounds! For men, their emotional display is often considered weak by society.
This is probably the reason why so many husbands hide their emotions to come across as someone strong. Showing emotions or crying doesn’t make you weak, don’t let society tell you otherwise.
It’s okay to be sensitive when someone yells at you. You are not a block of granite stone crafted to not shed a tear or bear emotions.
No, you are as human as any woman. You have as much right to express emotions as your wife/any other person. It’s natural to feel bad when someone yells at you! Don’t hold your feelings back. Your emotions aren’t cowardly, they are simply humane.
How to stop yelling in a relationship
- For starters, communicating about the issues is necessary.
- Communicate about the fight, about your feelings, and what has led your wife to scream like this.
- Create ground rules for when you fight again.
- Stick to the boundaries you have discussed with your wife.
- It will take time, so have patience. Your wife may not change instantly or after the first discussion.
- Sticking to your boundaries in an argument will work as a mirror to reflect your wife’s actions.
- Opt for therapy if nothing works out despite trying everything.
- Take a break from your wife; let her know you need space for the time being.
“Wife yelling at husband” is often considered normal in our society. However, their outlook changes when those roles are reversed. “Husband yelling at wife” is predetermined to be abusive, but it’s considered normal when wife yells at the husband. These double standards are often why men suffer silently.
Domestic abuse on men is also a severe crime. If you are a victim of such verbal abuse, don’t hold your feelings back! Holding back would ruin your mental health and your marriage. Speaking about the issues is the only way you can put a stop to your wife’s abusive acts!
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